Blood is Thicker Than Water
by HayashiOkami
Summary: Mutations are natural therefore different kinds of vampires should not be unnatural. Alice has a premonition of disaster and carnage about a vampire who breaks all the rules.
1. Kneel Before the Morn

I've rewritten this because I am a perfectionist and am not wholly satisfied with how I rushed the ending, and my writing has improved (I hope). There are pieces I've been cringing at for some time now for either being out of character or just plain wrong. Hopefully I've achieved the final product here.

Warnings: Mentions of rape, incest, drug use, alcohol, language, murder and violence. I do not condone any of it.

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_**Blood is Thicker Than Water**_

_**Prologue**_

_There was never a moment when I neglected to love him, though the fates were cruel as nature often is. They shredded what stability remained in our lives and tested and twisted that love we shared. The blood is steaming, I cannot feel, and his smile does not allow me to cry._

_The golden years had disappeared and taken our innocence to accompany it, leaving us defenseless against a reality we were unprepared to confront. The things that remained were our invisible, unbreakable bond and the reassurance of love in the darkest abyss. There existed nothing beyond ourselves, for any attachments a fragment less than what we had only brought about heartbreak. Light ceased to illuminate our path long ago and we wandered amongst darkness and shadows in our eternal search for the hope that had abandoned us._

_**Chapter 1: Kneel before the morn, for it will never come**_

"Promise me something," he whispered in my ear, breath hot and fast against my cool skin. Our heavy boots resounded off of the cobblestoned alleyway in an empty little town with its smooth, fair buildings and lifeless walls. Warm blood spilled from messy, ragged wounds left a distinguished trail in our wake. At least the moon worked in our favor, the thin sliver against the pitch black sky no more useful than the weak stars twinkling in far off dimensions.

"Anything," I replied, squeezing his warm hand sticky with sweat, our fingers tangled in a grasp that was all that remained of times long gone. The clamor of cars and motorcycles churned in the distance, but we were neither foolish prey nor naïve predators. Hounds bayed and boots clanged against the ground behind us, so close and dangerous. Metallic weapons screeched and laughter of the hunt pierced the night.

"Promise me you'll still be alive when we find each other again. I couldn't…here, take this." He stopped midsentence and pulled a feathered, silver-coated pendant attached to a strong chain from his shirt. The precious object wasn't made of such a fragile substance; I felt the weight and power radiate against my skin as he pressed it into the hand intertwined with his. The shape was identical to the one I wore, but it was clearly his to keep. "They won't work separated. Take it; I know you'll get yourself into trouble somehow…try not to make any scenes, okay?"

Almost as soon as the last words escaped his mouth he tore his hand away and shot down another alley, dark cape melding with the shifting shadows while I was alone to continue along the same path. Before he left, in a split second I whispered three words that made him falter and glance back, but a second was all we had of each other. I slung his chain around my neck, next to its identical twin and darted down another alley. Whatever path these walls lead me to, there was no doubt that it would be tough and lonely and darker than ever before. Behind my usual confidence there was apprehension, the natural sort of anxiety that came with uncertain situations and uncertain futures.

I lost him once. I swore to never repeat that. Three times now I had failed and it pained my heart more than the ache of leaving home, never to return. Not a single flesh wound, no matter how severe, would ever have compared.

I soon ran out of turns and stopped before a stone wall, limbs burning in liquid fire and embers in my eyes. The hounds' baying drew closer until their pointed snouts with lolling tongues and sharpened teeth emerged from the shadows alongside the barrels of guns. A much larger form inched into the dim lighting cast by a flashlight- a metal cannon. It was a barbaric sight of the middle ages, fit for books of lore- of beasts dwelling among people- the hunted against the hunters.

Our pursuers were perfectly made, as beautiful as the statues erected in honor of the gods. Their stone mouths moved in persuasive precision and offered riches and luxuries in exchange for service. Such frivolities were useless to us, I told them, keeping a stony face flushed with the night chill as they tried to make me believe that they'd captured him already. I knew it to be a blatant lie; I would feel immeasurable pain if he were injured or dead. No amount of distance could break that bond, not even the distance of dimensions.

"You can't expect peace carrying weapons," I said. The firearms were for show; they had already proven that engaging them in combat was a useless effort even with our combined strength. Fighting was a moot point anyways. Maybe if he hadn't given me his pendant I would have fought to the death against these pallid walls. But I couldn't throw away my life if he was so willing to sacrifice his own. With one hand, the hand that had held his not so long ago, I lifted the twin pendants and stared one creature in their bloodshot eyes. "I swear if you hurt him, no piece of you will remain when I'm done."

The pendants radiated the twisting power of a dark magic, the air around distorting in preparation. It took all of my focus and willpower to keep the destination on this realm. It was not something we were normally concerned about. Normally, any world that dragged us away from the current one was well enough. Such heavy concentration forced my body still even as I watched a creature fire a gun that released a single bullet. The tiny object tore through my shoulder, leaving a burning fire and hot blood bursting in its wake. The dark substance splattered upon the stones, pooling underneath my feet. I bit back a cry as the large cannon slid into position. I didn't want to know what it launched.

And I never found out because a moment later the magic snapped into action just as the weapon fired and a light engulfed me. It should have been the two of us.

Traversing dimensions was less of a painful process than it was disorienting, especially since time and space did not exist. The destination was completely random and the pendants tended to spit its users somewhere inconvenient. I remembered when we landed at the very edge of a steep cliff that sharply dropped off into the sea or when we appeared at the altar of a church during a sermon, at the base of a lake below the ground, and in the midst of a vampire meeting in a throne room.

It might have been seconds, minutes, or hours before the pendant chose a spot to dispel me, this time into a forest of pine and damp, earthy scents that bordered a lively little town. Dirt and fallen needles clung to my clothes, so trapped by blood that I didn't bother sweeping the filth away. Just beyond the shifting branches tiny pinpricks of light lined the horizon. The sounds of human inhabitation reached my ears as I struggled to push my feet underneath me. The disorienting journey made my head pulsate for a few minutes.

I dreaded peeling away the black fabric to reveal the gunshot wound beneath so much that I ignored the burn the best I could. No matter the amount of damage, there was nothing I could do about it at the moment. It was better that I not understand the extent of the damage. I began to drag my feet, the effort enough to tear my thoughts away from my shoulder. There was nothing abnormal about this forest that I noticed, except that the previous town had been shrouded in night. Here the orange and red dyed sky washed the forest in a strange light.

Apparently the little town had a healthy nightlife. Both normal partygoers and the seedier types crowded the streets, restaurants, and theatres. Accustomed towards hostile welcomes, I found myself surprised when I had passed a block without someone stopping me for my ragged appearance. This didn't seem like the kind of place where people went out of their way to be compassionate or interfere with others' lives, but still it was a bit strange. That was all well enough for me. Without people calling an ambulance and carting me off to an unnecessary hospital we would be reunited much faster.

After awhile the adrenaline and strength from the chase subsided and walking became strenuous, but I couldn't collapse until I'd found the proper place to conduct my business. I needed the seediest, most infernal bar there was in this town, someplace where people wouldn't ask questions. More importantly, I needed a place where the scum of the earth rested and bet their wages for drugs, money, alcohol, and sex. And the best way to find those places was to follow the rats- rats on motorcycles. It wasn't easy keeping track of them in my condition, but I managed to drag my feet to a part of town that seemed no worse or better than the rest.

The bar was normal from an outside view and I frowned, thinking that I might have to resume my search. Next door a cinema's flashing lights attracted hordes of people, across the street a high-end clothing store twinkled in the night. Some small restaurants and convenience stores lined the street. The only thing missing was the police station. All too willing for a rest even if I hadn't found my destination, I shrugged to myself and slipped into the bar. The gang of bikers had retreated in here and their raucous laughter filled a booth near the front.

Everywhere I stepped there were _people_, so crowded together that no matter how much I shifted position there was always someone there to step into. Men shouted out bets and insults across the din, hands darting out to distribute cash and tiny white packets and strange bottles. Women in scanty outfits draped themselves over the men and swung their bodies in dance as I struggled to push my way to the actual bar. Here no one stopped me to ask for identification as more respectful places might have done. The bartender carelessly slid me a glass of sherry upon request without a glance.

The deep amber liquid swished with clarity as I tilted the glass to my lips. Streaks of the dim golden lighting distorted as it passed through the drink. I took a small taste first, the distinctive flavor of nuts and fruit melded into something faintly sweet as it washed down my parched throat, leaving its characteristic dryness in its wake. I resisted from downing the sherry, knowing full well that something so fine wasn't meant to quench thirst, but rather as a taste to be savored. After awhile, when my tongue no longer tasted and my head swam with amber and golden hues tinted dark around the corners I downed the rest of the glass and ordered another.

My fondness for sherry was a little strange. Most people didn't drink much of it at once due to its overwhelming taste. It wasn't an alcohol like beer that could be downed in large quantities, and I supposed that not everyone enjoyed their drinks dry. Usually I had a higher tolerance than I had that night, but even with one glass in me chills ran down my spine and the ceiling twisted and morphed above my head. A groan escaped my lips. The gunshot wound was not a helpful factor. Though I took my time with the second glass, I wanted that alcohol to numb my shoulder already.

"Little young tuh be drinkin' like that, eh?" a deep voice chuckled beside me. I started, unaccustomed to being snuck up upon, and almost fell off of the faux-leather padded stool. My body shook, no thanks to the alcohol and injury, even as I used both hands to steady the glass. The man was probably laughing in his mind at the pitiful sight I painted. I could hardly focus in on his face, let alone comprehend what he'd said with that slur of his. A thick shudder passed my lips as I tried to respond and squint at him for a better look. He was middle aged, didn't look too wealthy, and certainly was no businessman. Everything else was a blur of dark colors.

"No," I finally managed to chuckle, my voice pathetically weak and vulnerable and slurred to my ears. As if to prove my point, I ordered another drink, something harder on the alcohol. The man asked if I should be drinking that, but I disregarded him and his lying voice. There was no real concern there; if he cared he might've told the bartender not to give me anything else. Such was society, I sighed as I pressed the cool cocktail to my lips. The heavy, but cold alcohol slid down my throat with a faint taste of lime. The cold drink certainly helped my body temperature for the moment.

Then I remembered that I would never get this out of hand if he were here and something caught in my throat. I didn't realize until I felt the drops on my clenched hands that I had started to sob. The memories burned worse after all those drinks, I should have known that. I buried my head in the crook of my arm and bit back another pathetic sound from escaping. "He's gone. I miss him," I mumbled against the dirtied fabric. "I'm _sorry_; just…just hold me again."

"What, your lover left you, kid? Ha, figures a pretty boy like you'd be queer," the man chuckled with no amount of compassion. I detected a faint trace of disgust in his tone, or at least I thought I did. We were both under the influence and my ears were ringing so I might not have heard anything right. What I understood didn't help my mood one bit. Bitter anger bubbled beneath the nausea that was beginning to build in my stomach. It had ultimately been his decision, but there hadn't been any other choice but for him to leave.

"He didn't _leave _me," I said, almost incoherent. That gin and tonic must have been stronger than I anticipated. Despite how much I swallowed, there was always a nasty taste left in my mouth. I wanted to vomit and tear my head off for the pain it caused me. Alcohol didn't normally affect me this badly, but it did have a tendency to unwind my mouth and let bits of the truth out. Both of us were liars because it was always a good method to fall back on. Around each other it was much harder to keep the truth inside, but around others lies were all we had.

"I want to forget 'bout him. It hurts to think 'bout him. I miss 'im so much," I mumbled, droplets of real tears falling from my eyes. A heavy sob caught in my throat that I tried to shove back down, but it won and a shudder traveled down my spine as I whined and choked. I think I might have looked really pitiful. That was the appearance I was aiming for, the vulnerability that I counted on to fulfill my goals. Even an intoxicated man wasn't that slow if he had the right state of mind. It was so easy to take advantage of my fragile emotional state under the influence of alcohol.

"I can make you forget," the man whispered in my ear. My delicate nose wrinkled at the stench of his breath and clothes- a wretched combination of beer and heavy liqueurs. I hadn't noticed that he'd gotten so close until he draped a weighty, muscled arm across my shoulders. The man must have been a heavy, constant drinker to smell that bad, as if he lived in it. He probably did. Maybe something had gone wrong in his life at some point too, but that wasn't my concern. I was only here to forget and heal, so I nodded sleepily. He gave me a harsh slap on the back that sent my mind and body reeling.

"I'll get you another drink, then we'll rent a room, 'kay sweetheart? I know these folks, good folks they are; they owe me a favor." His words took a while to process and I frowned when I realized what he'd called me. Such a demeaning pet name made my blood boil but if he was going to make me forget and force the pain away from my shoulder that was alright. I'd never been called 'sweetheart' before, probably because I could never live up to such a name. Not that I would have allowed anyone to give me that name if I were sober.

The man slipped a wine glass filled with deep, dark red into my fingers. The liquid ran thinner than my blood, but I grew nauseous as the wine touched my tongue. It disagreed with my previous choice of drinks and left a nasty aftertaste. Perhaps it was not the wisest decision, but I downed the glass in as few gulps as necessary to avoid the unpleasant contrast. I squinted but couldn't distinguish the sharp edges of the glass and twisted it around, as if that might help. It almost slipped and shattered in my loose grasp before the man caught it with a hearty chuckle.

After a few moments something in my body decided it didn't want to stay even partially upright afterwards. The floor would not have been very nice to my face if the man hadn't caught me. His arms were thick and covered by leather, wrapped around my thin waist as he pulled my limp body against him. We had never weighed much, made of mostly long, awkward limbs that our bodies finally grew into these past few years. The man cradled me in his arms like a bride, a prospect I was none too happy about but too tired to object to. My head fell against his chest as we moved towards the stairs, my eyelids almost too heavy to open. I moaned and mumbled something incoherent. I wanted to vomit. The man made some snide remark I didn't catch.

He brought me to one of the private rooms upstairs. The place assaulted my senses with the sweet, bitter smell of sex, sweat, alcohol, and smoke. Downstairs the blasting music pounded through the floors, suspicious noises traveling through the walls from neighboring rooms. The lights were dim when the man walked in, from bare light bulbs hanging from the crusty ceiling. There was a dilapidated bed in the center, sheets grey and musty and dirty against my skin as he gently lay me down and doubled back with a key he probably got from his bar buddies. The room hadn't stopped spinning but my stomach settled and I had enough strength to curl up and lift my head to look at my surroundings.

Something I did must have upset the man. He snarled and went to the side tables with leftover white packets, bottles, and syringes on the surface. A hand swept the remains into a trash bin filled with questionable items. He opened a drawer and I squinted, trying to see what it contained. If I could pale at the sight I would have; instead bile gathered at the back of my throat as he shut the compartment. A smile returned to his face as he came over, though it was different from before. I couldn't pinpoint how when I could barely make out his features.

He ripped open a plastic package containing a new syringe, an amber bottle in his other hand. He filled it with little difficulty, careful to pay attention to the measurements. Maybe he was less drunk than I anticipated if he could actually read the tiny measurements. I had been the one with my head in the clouds, too preoccupied to examine him as I might have done sober.

"You should be dead-stoned by now," the man said with a deep frown set into the wrinkles of his face. I frowned too, angry with myself for not having noticed. I supposed that I'd been too intoxicated to pay attention to anything that wasn't in the forefront of my mind. Even though I wouldn't have reacted had I known, the fact that someone could slip drugs into my drink so easily disturbed me. The man shook his head and grabbed my arm, which looked so thin and fragile compared to his tanned, hairy one. He must have taken the jacket off at some point. I hadn't seen that either, though it had happened a few feet from the bed.

Chills and outbreaks of heat still swept through my body so I barely felt the needle slide into my skin, leaving a tiny pinprick of blood as the man withdrew. He disappeared into the bathroom as I lay there blinking sleepily at the stained wallpaper. The effects hit me later than it should have, I think, because the man was mad when he returned. He did wait beside my head, dragging thick fingers through my hair until a layer of sweat covered my skin and tremors shook my frame. All instinct before had been raging to fight him when he injected that stuff into my arm and I regretted not having acted upon those desires.

A plastic cup touched my mouth, the cool water tasting faintly stale flushing out my burning throat. It didn't help my vision or pounding head much. The man didn't seem to care as he pulled my limp, trembling body across the bed. Despite the obvious filth, my eyelids began to flutter closed as my whole back relaxed into the mattress. Beggars weren't choosers, after all, and we'd slept in much worse places before. The man grunted and slapped my cheek a few times as he mumbled something that sounded vaguely familiar. Did I want to forget him? The answer was yes, I wanted to forget about how his back disappeared in the darkness and how I could do nothing for him, _ever_.

The man slid a hand under my head and grasped my hair, crushing his dry, unpleasant lips against mine. They tasted foul and I almost gagged, as if the alcohol wasn't enough to make my stomach want to turn inside out. It was when a thick, wet tongue forced its way into my mouth that I realized just what I signed up for. This was what I wanted, not what I needed. It was also something I didn't desire to happen to me. My mind wasn't clear then, or else the whole ordeal might have come to a conclusion the moment he closed that door.

He ran callous-covered hands along my thin frame, underneath my shirt and over my chest, avoiding the darkened area smeared with blood. There was no compassion in his light eyes as he slipped the cape and white shirt off and tugged at my close-fitting pants. The burning, freezing fire swept through my nervous system and I simply moved along with the actions. It was easier than resisting- to accompany the flow and react to touches as desired, no matter what my conscious might have thought. Our bodies might have moved together, not in harmony but in a hasty, impatient dance, but I didn't make a sound.

I always believed myself too strong for that. It angered the man though, angered him enough to quicken the pace and forget about playing pretend. Hands yanked my pants down and over my legs, and returned to take away the last of my decency. I uttered a noise of disagreement and feebly pushed at him until he slapped me and seized both my wrists in one of his hands. It didn't hurt, but I stopped struggling.

"Thought you wanted this, you whore," he snarled. I let out a shaky breath and sighed heavily, confused as he bent over my neck and drove blunt teeth against the tender skin there. It took all my self-control and willpower to keep from panicking and fighting tooth and nail. That was so wrong, _no one_ should have ever touched that spot except for those close to me and it just wasn't in my nature to allow anything so close when I was so vulnerable. Sometimes I even had qualms about letting _him_ that close, even though his intentions were pure.

"No," I whispered, "I don't want you." He snarled and growled and everything moved at such a blurred pace afterwards. He might have released my hands, but I didn't notice. I didn't notice much of anything until I cried out in pain of the initial shock, a pain that traveled up my spine and that would not stop no matter how I shifted. After that I gasped and exhaled sharp whines, never having realized just how much it hurt. Blood and tears were everywhere. I don't remember ever crying ever since this ordeal started, even after I'd lost him that first and second time.

"Stop," I said before a deep and guilty moan escaped my mouth. This didn't help me forget. It made me recollect just how sweet it was between the two of us, never mind how wrong it was. Not this guy with his bruising grips and dry, savage thrusts and grunts filled with nothing but never ending lust. I whimpered in pain, determined to keep at least those moans to myself. Dark flashes began to spot my vision. It was just a pity that my high pain tolerance prevented me from passing out. Eventually though, blood loss and fatigue won and I drifted away regardless.

Morning rolled around sometime later and the life from the bar downstairs dimmed to a quiet clang of cups and old bottles being swept away, traces of the night's activities gone. I woke with a dreadful headache, sober now but sporting a horrible hangover. Thin streaks of light sunshine crossed in bars across my face, stinging eyes accustomed to the dark now. Every movement, even blinking and breathing was a world of pain. I lay there for a few moments, listening to the employees and the soft chirps of birds in the alleyways. A heavy weight draped across my midsection. I didn't want to confirm the truth by twisting to face the form that wasn't him.

After a time the weight moved and a loud groan broke the near-peaceful silence. The bed shifted as he drew closer, his breath still rank with the stench of beer. I shivered and wanted to vomit from the overwhelming scent. His hand grasped my injured shoulder cruelly, the tender skin struggling to mend itself breaking under his force. Blood seeped from the injury as he turned my body to face him. There was nothing special about him, just a middle-aged man who probably spent his days at a half-assed job earning minimum wage. The nights were spent using that money on drinks and drugs and sex like this.

"What's your name?" he asked gruffly. I shivered, didn't want to respond, wanted to just curl up and sleep or die. The hangover intensified when he cuffed me over the head, eliciting a flinch from me. I'm still not sure why I bothered enlightening this scum. Soon he wouldn't need my name or his own name for that matter. I could have even told him my real one, but apparently I still wasn't in my right mind. We didn't often use aliases, but I remembered an old tale that seemed to transcend dimensions. The name for someone who was searching for something-

"Alice," I mused aloud. If he were here, he'd die of laughter. The man must not have been in his right mind either, because he took it seriously and broke into a tremendous laughter that shook the bed. Another hard hand came down on my head. I was starting to question if he did this to everyone around him. Maybe that was why he was a lonely bastard.

"What a retarded name!" he chuckled as he leaned down to press his lips against mine again. This time I wasn't intoxicated and drugged. This time I had reason and my senses and personality back. I reached a hand behind his back and let it claw on bare skin, his body shivering at the sensation. A lecherous grin spread across his face. The man made me want to retch.

"Thank you for helping me," I said simply, puzzling the man for a moment. That was certainly something he didn't hear every day. An insane grin crossed my lips and a wild look haunted my eyes, the appearance I had when the idea of _E_ entered my brain and I was particularly starved. This time I was not here for a feast, and I could wait well enough if I were healed. Slime like this had to be bad for the body, anyways.

Tendrils of energy from my very core fled to my fingertips and with a _whoosh_ there was blood all across my bare chest and face. I let it fall upon my shoulder and sighed in relief as it seeped into the wound and healed the tissue ruined by the bullet. The warmth didn't disgust me, the stickiness and scent almost pleasant if it weren't tainted by alcohol.

The man gurgled for a few moments, eyes bulged wide and though he died in agony, it was a quick death. There was no time for fooling around with the prey. His weight was suffocating and I had a bit of difficulty moving out from beneath him. I winced as I sat up; he'd been rough and I hadn't done that in a while. I had certainly never done it with someone so huge and uncaring. The talon nails that extended from my hand retracted and left my fingers coated in blood. I smeared the excess gore onto the sheets as I stood on shaky legs and shuffled towards the bathroom. Every tile inside seemed crusted in layers of grime and grit, but I supposed that no one noticed at night.

The mirror had a long crack down its middle and I stood in front of it and grimaced at my appearance. Knots matted my dark hair sprayed with blood, the skin underneath my eyes darkened. The temperature of the shower didn't matter so much after I saw my horrible appearance. I wouldn't say I felt dirty, because that was clichéd and who didn't feel dirty some time in their life? There was plenty for me to be guilty about and this was only one insignificant casualty. I'd used people in the past and they used me in turn. That was the way the world worked.

I ran a hand over the injured shoulder and felt the skin perfectly mended, not even the faintest scar left. Smiling, I ran a hand down my flat, smooth chest and tilted my head to the ceiling. I whispered a few words then, incoherent and not a part of any language but our own. There was only one recognizable word: a name, "_Subaru_". I wished that we could still feel each other. The distance was too far to feel much more than a tingle. But he'd heard me, however faint the connection, however noisy it was where he stood.

After I'd made sure that the shower was void of blood and I dressed in my clothes still bloodstained and tattered I headed to the man and stared at his glossy, opened eyes. Though I hadn't done it for justice, he couldn't hurt anyone else now and that was satisfaction enough. The window was my only destination, but before I left I unlocked the door so that the owners downstairs wouldn't have to pay for that on top of whatever it took to clean the mess. I left the keys tossed on the bed, mindless of fingerprints. No one would have me in their data.

The hangover had not fully left. I found that out when I dropped from the second story in what should have been an elegant landing that almost alerted the owners. The birds were frightened away and departed in a chaotic flutter of feathers and I left the dank place, into the shopping center that had lightened considerably. The place seemed decent, respectable now. Not that it mattered when I was never coming back. People were around so I draped my cape over my previously injured shoulder. There was no need to call attention to the darkened splotch of blood.

It took some navigation and a few wrong turns to figure a way out of the town and into the forest. There was a road trailing into the distance so I intended to follow it to whatever civilization sprouted next. I never heard anything about a man dying in a bar. There were no police sirens or frantic voices. And soon, I was in the middle of a forest filled with pines and the damp scent of something that never truly dried. The road was long but easy on the feet, the undergrowth surprisingly soft.

I enjoyed the peaceful atmosphere while it lasted. A lot of good things never lasted in life. Fate seemed out to make people remember the bad memories a lot clearer than the good. It was strange how humans were built like that. I enjoyed it even as I walked all day, my feet aching and my legs burning. That blood had helped, but without actually consuming it there was only so much energy I could restore.

Sometime later the slices of broken light through the canopy darkened and disappeared and a few wet droplets dripped down from the treetops. For the most part the thick cover blocked the rain until I came upon a tiny, sleepy and dead looking town late in the night. Even with the protection I stumbled in drenched and one very unhappy boy. This little town looked as if people would actually notice a visitor and attention was not desirable, so I quickly sought some sort of shelter. I needed to rest and recover, and I had a gut feeling that I'd find answers here. Those emotions were important, even if they seem illogical at first. Instinct always knew better.

I stumbled around until I found the local police station, another building that looked as depressed and grey as its surroundings. The whole thing might as well have been swallowed by the springy, damp ground. It was not hard to appear miserable as I walked through the doors, staining their floor with mud and tracking water behind me. There had been enough hardship in my life for me to pretend. People were easy to deceive. If I had been a little shorter, I might not have even bothered with the extra theatrics. The small, vulnerable child seemed a better card to play.

There were a lot of questions. Who are you, how'd you get here? This was a remote town, so apparently they didn't expect someone to visit by foot. Where are your parents? How can we contact them? Come sit, you must be tired and hungry and go find him something warm and bring clothes too. There weren't many people there, but I felt overwhelmed in their attention. I didn't even respond, too anxious that I might slip in my lies, uncertain of which lies to tell. Eventually I mustered up a cover so that they wouldn't begin to think me mute.

"I-I don't remember," I said plaintively, "I _can't _remember." My eyes pleaded for someone to understand, to let them see that helplessness and uncertainty. I ignored the warm cup of tea even though it had me salivating for something to soothe my aches and pains. "I _have_ to…to find it. I have to find it. Please, don't let me leave without it." I didn't let them know that it was a person I wanted. That would have been dangerous.

The sympathy in their faces increased and they said it was alright and gave me the tea. The gratitude and utter bliss from the simple drink was not an act. Dry clothes were an extra bonus that started to make me too comfortable for my own good. The safety though- that was something I had thought I'd never experience again. It was a different type of safety than what I experienced with Subaru. He always had my back and we'd always be there for each other, but even though we comforted each other this was _different_.

"What's your name? You remember that, right?" the chief of police asked. He had a warm tone, a fatherly one I suppose, not that I would know the difference. Taking advantage of his patience, I pondered my situation. If I was an amnesiac, maybe all I could remember was a name. One name was enough to thwart anyone, especially a name influenced by uncertainty. So I figured that Subaru was my rabbit or my freedom or whatever it was that that main character sought in the story and said, "My name is Alice".

"Alice? My daughter knows a girl named Alice…" the police chief said in confusion. "But you're a boy. Are you sure your name's Alice? It's not…Allen or something?"

"Nope, I'm pretty sure that's my name. I can't remember anything else, after all…" I shrugged and drew my shoulders closer together, huddled on the chair as if the room had suddenly turned cold. The slight heat in my face and tired pangs behind my eyes were real, really pitiful that was. Something about me must have said, "'_don't take away the only thing I know_', because he dropped the Alice thing and asked other questions- none of which my alias could remember, of course. It was a little fun to act clueless, actually.

* * *

• The boy Alice and parts of the plot is inspired by the manga _Are You Alice?_ written by Ninomiya Ai.

• I've updated my knowledge on alcohol and as a note: drier sherry is usually lighter. Do NOT drink gin and tonic with any other drink in the same sitting, I've heard it causes nasty headaches. In fact, drinks are not meant to be mixed except in cases of cocktails, etc.


	2. Around the MerryGoRound

_**Blood is thicker than Water**_

_**Chapter 2: Around the merry-go-round**_

"Look, I told you can't remember anything else. I was walking in the forest, following the road and found this town and I was looking for something, something really important. Everything ends there," I insisted with no slight amount of irritation at their questions. I resisted the urge to stomp my feet petulantly just to get my point across. The chief gave me a skeptic glance over his reports for the umpteenth time. We went over this same, short story for hours now without any deviations, but he wouldn't rest. He might not think I was lying, but he knew that there was more truth than what he heard.

I had him trapped in believing me a poor victim, though. I was a good liar if I could give myself a pat on the back, much better than most people. Well, Subaru was even better at fooling others when he wanted to so at least I didn't have to worry about him while we were apart. Usually it was Subaru who did the worrying.

"Let's call it a day. Maybe things will come back to you after you rest up in a proper bed. But before that, I'll have to have you get a physical at the hospital," the chief said. He didn't mention the mental examination that would accompany it. My only choice was to consent, so I nodded and obediently followed him to the car parked outside the station. The sky had turned dark with night, the town a grey ghostly thing with irregular dots of light. The downpour had turned into a gentle mist that created tiny clear droplets against the glass. I slipped into the back seat and huddled in the corner as the chief turned on the radio.

The music suited the first impression I had of him- a well-intentioned person with a tendency to distractions. Given the irrelevant questions he asked me about myself- like my likes and dislikes- he was a family-oriented person. When he hit a (nonexistent) nerve he apologized and shifted topic. The consideration was a change from the cutthroat lives we'd been leading up until now where no one cared for anyone if the results weren't beneficial.

The car chugged through the streets until it came upon a whitewashed building, rather small for a hospital I suppose. The emergency room was almost silent. I didn't like hospitals, even if this one wasn't very threatening and hardly had any staff on hand. Hospitals were too thorough and recorded every action, every breath and sigh. Despite their intentions I was always paranoid because those inquiries eventually led to curiosity about why we had no relatives and why the government didn't have us on record. At least the amnesia card allowed me to bypass that this time. No amount of lies could cover up a nonexistent gunshot wound and bloodied clothes.

Doubt planted a seed in my mind when the doctor assigned to me slid into view. He was young and his lips were curved into a graceful, harmless smile. Sometimes those innocent gestures were the most important, the deadliest. Hospitals were places of death and temporary promise of hope filled with pain and suffering. Though the outside world was similar and one in the same, people made hospitals to contain the worst of it. No one had a right to be so unaffected in such an atmosphere. His eyes told the truth- and I was afraid that he would see through my lies with that piercing gaze of someone much older than his years.

I wanted to scowl, to erect a barrier between us, but figured that 'Alice' had no reason to dislike the man. Subaru never made such ugly expressions. Sometimes he'd twitch into a thoughtful, neutral face or gain a slight look of disapproval. But mostly he looked like that doctor. They called him Carlisle Cullen- both a simple and complex name. I wanted to know which he lived up to but didn't ask. It was too early to have the doctors think I was insane. I could wait until the mental exam, at least, to release those urges.

The doctor preformed all the normal procedures while he idly chattered about recent events. Okay, maybe he was a little more refined than that, but after he poked and prodded me in every place _no one_ had a right to touch (except for _him_) I was not exactly happy. The fact that he all but ignored the area where there should have been a huge wound didn't help. All he did was brush a cold hand over the bare skin there for a moment as he pulled away the stethoscope and gave me a smile I didn't return. He even tossed the bloody coat away without a word, but I caught a glimpse of that mask of porcelain cracking just as he turned.

He didn't bother asking questions when he found signs of sexual assault or when the scale revealed an apparently underweight body. He only asked if I wanted any food or drink and while the police had given me tea, I supposed normal people needed food too. After wandering the forest for a day anyone would be starving. Not that I wasn't hungry, but solid food would only dull the pains temporarily. The tray the doctor delivered into my lap wasn't even remotely appetizing- a large bowl of chicken broth and wilted vegetables, applesauce and Jell-O. A moment later he passed me a bottle of water and that apparently was my dinner.

At the face I made he said, "Sorry about the food. Most of the staff has gone home today so that's all there is. It's perfectly edible, if a little distasteful." I nodded skeptically and eyed the tray. The chicken broth was too salty and the vegetables tasted and smelled of something foul. I almost spat the gelatin up, the slippery mush tasting nothing like strawberries. I could eat the applesauce but couldn't say I loved it, and returned to the soup just because. While I picked and nibbled at 'dinner' the doctor checked on the blood samples. I hadn't been thrilled about that needle to make an understatement.

It had been necessary, but I was curious to see if any traces of the alcohol and drugs remained. We didn't have a normal circulatory system and definitely never allowed anyone to examine us too closely. An entire day elapsed since then, but that didn't mean anything. Sometimes human technology worked magic. And if the drugs _had_ remained in my bloodstream, I supposed that 'Alice' wouldn't have remembered in the first place. And Alice was the victim after all, and the man was a disgusting rodent, never mind the unusual way in which he'd been killed.

The doctor reentered the room with a manila folder containing a few papers stacked neatly inside. As he flipped through the contents I peered over the edge and scowled to see English letters written in his messy scrawl. I didn't prefer that system but couldn't say that I didn't read it well. He slipped me a copy, not that any of those medical terms made sense- they might as well have been a different language altogether.

"And you're sure you don't remember anything that happened before you came here?" he asked, taking a seat before the examination table. I shook my head and handed him his paper since I didn't understand most of it anyways. I suppose it was just courtesy to show me the reports about my own body even though he was about to explain it in simple English. To my surprise he skipped over the things I thought normal doctors asked normal patients. Instead he started with, "There were traces of alcohol in your blood. Since you couldn't have gotten any in the forest, there must have been quite a lot for it to still be there. You were also given high dosages of Ketamine. Do you know what that is?"

"No," I said. I'd never worried about such a thing before. If it weren't for the circumstances, I would have never allowed it to happen.

"It's a date rape drug, which is self-explanatory, no? Is there any chance you were in the town near here before, at a bar perhaps? Think hard on that please. Maybe we can find the person who assaulted you." The Dr. Cullen's words sounded sincere enough but I couldn't be sure, because 'Alice' wasn't supposed to remember anything. "It may be a bit out of protocol, but would it be alright if you came home with me? My boss wants me to take some time off since I've been working long shifts recently. Charlie Swan already gave me the okay- he'll pick you up after his shift. I'm afraid the station doesn't make the best living quarters. So what do you say?"

"…Alright…" I said reluctantly. The other option was to wander around the waiting room in the hospital and if the opportunity presented itself, I wanted _out_. No more talk about drugs and rape- it made me think of Subaru. Though, even he would probably hesitate before accepting such a suspicious offer. I wasn't quite sure what 'Alice' would have done except trust these people. And the doctor wasn't all smiles and sunshine- or at least, he _shouldn't_ be. He didn't look like someone who'd pulled so many all-nighters and long shifts that his boss ordered him off work. Then again, I didn't look like I'd just walked from one town to the next either.

The doctor saw that, too. His eyes were strange. They were eyes that saw through the false layers of my own, through all the lies I'd ever told and all the sins I'd ever committed. He hardly needed to question me at all. A sudden, peculiar idea came to mind then, the result of having seen many strange occurrences and powers as we traversed dimensions. Maybe the doctor had a method to find the truth if he wasn't capable himself. Maybe that was why he needed me out of the hospital, why he was breaking protocol. Everything had suddenly gotten a lot more serious.

Maybe 'Alice' didn't have to be a simple alias. If I _was_ Alice there would be nothing to hide from the doctor, no truths to see behind my eyes. It was easy enough to formulate a person from my mind- a person similar to Subaru, the other half of myself. A person so similar to my twin wasn't hard to deal with. Alice could be useful- poor confused, abused Alice.

The doctor's infuriating smile didn't fade as he excused himself from the room. He had the police to inform and a shift to change. I remained on the exam table breathing deeply for a few moments. It was time to say 'good-night' to myself for a little while. Alice could handle the rest. Truthfully, I thought that I'd still be there, like how Subaru lingered no matter how many miles separated us. Alice's muddled mind of mixed memories and empty spaces was sure to cover the remains of my presence in case anyone tried some head-probing.

"…Alice, was it…? Come, it's time to go," the doctor called from down the hall. I- no, Alice, slid down from the metal table and followed the man through the pristine white walls in a hallway that smelled too strongly of cleaners. It was a scent that washed away blood and death alike and stung if he inhaled too deeply. Outside the humidity and dampness from the rain made him sigh in relief. He rubbed his nose with the side of his hand trying to remove the sting, happy for the dull smell of earth.

The shiny silver car that poked out of the blackness was too new for the dreadful weather. He must have made good money, not that Alice really knew how to use it or how much the vehicle was worth. He was a little hesitant to sit on the leather seats with his muddy boots and rain-dampened clothes. The shoes were beyond saving and encrusted with grime from the forest floor. It was strange. Alice didn't feel as if he'd walked the whole way here.

"You know," the doctor mused as they pulled out of the hospital and onto an almost empty road surrounded by tall, dark trees. "I have a daughter named Alice. She's a nice girl, very outgoing and happy. Do you have a reason for choosing the name Alice? Maybe you read that story, _Alice in Wonderland_ as a child?"

"I didn't choose my name!" Alice said frantically even before the doctor finished talking. If he hadn't been paranoid about wrecking the car he would have jumped forward. The doctor was wrong, _had_ to be wrong. His identity wasn't mistaken; he wasn't a lie. Maybe he hardly remembered anything, but those things he did remember were real. His mind was already so lost in a past he couldn't remember, a past he did not feel he wanted to remember. He didn't want to lose his name and purpose, however vague, too. "I'm not lying, I swear! Why would I lie about that?"

"Calm down; I didn't mean to offend you," the doctor smiled, as if something so simple could wash all his worries away. Alice did relax a little but the desperation itched beneath his skin. The doctor was nice and considerate, so he owed it to the man to withhold another tantrum. He stared out the window instead, but could barely make out the line of trees along the darkened road. Eventually he gave up and watched the man's blond hair rustle with the gentle air conditioning. He so desperately wanted to find what he was missing that his muscles twitched in anticipation and he could hardly focus on a single object for a minute.

The car continued along until the smooth road gave way to earth, the patter of rain muted amongst the treetops. The doctor must have liked his privacy to build a house so far away from everyone else. They came upon a rich house some minutes later- a tall building that stood out in stark contrast to the forest surrounding it. It was white against dark greens and shadows, a stately presence where wild things reigned. Golden blankets peeked out from behind curtains, but after a few meters the light faded away into darkness. As they walked up to the door he saw the heavy rain fall through triangles of gold.

The doctor ushered him into his home where the man's family stood waiting for them. He noted with curiosity that they all had that same strange gleam to their eyes despite the difference in colors- except for one girl with plain features. Alice supposed that he was decently pretty himself, a willowy form that was probably more pleasing to the eye with some sleep and proper clothes. For that reason he hadn't noticed how extraordinarily different these people looked until he compared them with that girl.

The doctor seemed to have stopped to introduce them and nothing more. After an awkward moment the family dispersed and the doctor tugged him in the direction of the stairs- to his office, he'd said. He motioned for a boy with the plain girl on his arm to follow and proceeded up the staircase with the gate of a rested person. If Alice looked closely, he noticed that the man hardly looked tired at all. If he had been working long shifts before tonight, Alice wouldn't want to bother him with details about a past he couldn't remember.

"Are you tired, doctor? It won't matter if you ask now or later, I still can't remember anything…" Alice trailed off when all three either chuckled or smiled in amusement.

"I'm quite fine, really, my boss just worries. Not much happens in this town so I admit, I'm a little curious. About you, I mean," the doctor said. Alice frowned; he didn't like to be thought of as an interesting lab rat. Was he supposed to be flattered? "Ah, you don't need to call me doctor, you know. It's not my name after all and we're not in the hospital anymore. Carlisle is fine."

The doctor- Carlisle's office was quaint and contained the warm, comforting scent of old books and paper. Strange as the smell was, Alice couldn't say that he disliked it. Carlisle ushered him into a seat before the desk while his son and his girlfriend stood slightly off to the side. Alice didn't want to stare, but he wondered what they were here for. He didn't think he was _that_ interesting. Carlisle introduced his son as Edward and his girlfriend as Bella. They were bland names, Alice thought, unlike Carlisle's.

"Alice, do you have a surname? Can you remember that?" Carlisle asked. Alice shook his head, a little frustrated that he kept on asking when his answer was always the same. The doctor just nodded acceptingly and folded his hands on the wooden surface beneath him. "Please close your eyes and think very hard while listening to my voice. You were walking in the forest looking for something. Where are your family and friends? Are they behind you? Or are they the ones you're looking for?"

Alice peeled his eyes opened after a fruitless minutes. He tried to recall something before the forest, but there was blackness wherever he went. Before he could wrap his hands around that thing he needed to find it escaped from his grasp. He didn't want to find anything else. "I don't remember. If it's not what I'm looking for, family doesn't matter. And I don't think I'm looking for my family. But I can't think of what it is."

Carlisle leaned back with a contemplative face and a worried creased between his brows. Family was important to normal people, apparently. It had never occurred to Alice that he might have a mother and father waiting for him, concerned about where their son went. He had to have parents somewhere in the world. Carlisle sighed and said, "It might slowly come back to you as you see and experience familiar things. Beyond that, I can't help you without some other clue."

Alice shrugged helplessly. He'd tried and failed. He didn't even _want_ the doctor's help, especially since the doctor was more interested in finding out about his past than the thing he was searching for. The present was what mattered. "I'd be fine looking alone, but I don't like the rain…and I'd get tired with no place to rest."

""Hey…are you looking for an object, a person, or an ideal?" the boy, Edward, suddenly asked. The expression on his face was unreadable. Alice frowned and glanced at him. "Are you looking for information?"

"I'm…not sure," Alice said slowly, leaning back into the chair and concentrating. He mused, as if to himself. "It's not…an object I think…It feels more urgent, more intimate than that, like someone important to me. But I don't remember having anyone important to me. It's intimate as if it's a piece of me, but not another person. I…I want answers. I don't know what I want. I don't know where I came from."

"Answers…don't we all want them?" Carlisle said in an amused voice. This mystery had drawn him in as well. There was so little information to base their opinions on, all from the unreliable memory of an amnesiac nineteen year old. He signed and stood, wrapping the conversation up with a wave of a hand. "Well, Alice, it's getting late and I'm sure you're tired. Bella's father is Charlie Swan; she'll take you there for the night. Listen, if you have any dreams write them down as soon as you wake, alright? If not you'll lose them. Dreams can tell a lot, believe it or not. If evolution hasn't gotten rid of something so simple, it must have a purpose."

Alice nodded obediently, but he wasn't very eager to fall asleep now that the doctor had reminded him of dreaming. If something bad had happened in the past, he didn't _want_ to remember it, the doctor's charming smiles be damned.

Edward and Bella said their goodbyes while Alice waited outside shivering at the considerable cold and in the shadow of the groaning tree limbs. The night had fogged over with the moon a weak silver light behind dark clouds. The scene somehow irked him and he wished that the doctor hadn't thrown away his cape. He was ever grateful when Bella had finished talking to her boyfriend so he didn't have to freeze in the thin shirt and sweatpants the police gave him. The truck she drove was a dingy thing with a temperamental heating system but at least there wasn't any wind.

There were two seats inside the truck and a narrow back row filled with random items. Despite the distance between them, Bella didn't talk as her car rumbled and sputtered away from the house. She seemed preoccupied with her own thoughts, hands resting comfortably on the wheel until she took a moment to glance at him. Alice inwardly shivered at her stare. It was as if she'd never seen him before and was wondering what he was doing next to her. The truck shuddered off course for the brief moment he'd distracted her. After she straightened the vehicle, she didn't spare him another glance. Apparently driving didn't come smoothly for everyone, though Alice wouldn't know.

"You don't look like an Alice, you know that," Bella said eventually. Alice bit his bottom lip, wanting to spit that she was rather plain looking herself. But he figured that it wasn't a wise idea since her father was the chief who'd been so kind as to let him stay in his house without charge. The little town either didn't have a hotel or they wanted to keep a close eye on him. Either way, as long as he was warm and had a place to sleep Alice would be content.

"Yeah, I've gotten that often," Alice grumbled just to break the silence. No one seemed to believe that he was Alice just because it was a girl's name. He didn't think he was very girly, just tall and too thin for his limbs, and maybe pleasant to look at and not overly masculine. But he wasn't pretty like a girl. It wasn't the same thing.

The truck broke into a residential area with neat houses tucked in across the street from each other, all surrounded by the swaying shadows of trees. In comparison to the house in the forest, Bella's was small and plain. He didn't mention anything as she killed the engine and they entered the door. The chief dressed in casual clothes sat just inside the doorway watching television on a weathered couch. A crackled voice talking rapidly came from the box, tiny figures moving about the screen. Alice didn't have time to examine it before the man turned it off upon realizing they were there. The girl moved to what must have been the kitchen after a brief greeting.

Charlie swung himself off the couch and waved him inside with a nervous excitement, as if afraid he was doing something wrong. Alice decided that even though this place was considerably less elegant than the house in the forest, it felt more like a home, even if he didn't quite know what a home was made of. Instead of a cold reception he received one that spoke of concern, even if he was a stranger. He couldn't help but return the man's shaky smiles.

"You'll have to sleep on the couch, if that's okay. Bella's in the guest room and as you can tell, our house isn't very big." Charlie chuckled apologetically as he hurried down the stairs, arms full with bedding. Alice curiously trailed after him into the living room and watched as he tossed blankets and sheets and a pillow over the worn fabric couch. He reassured the man that the sleeping arrangements were alright, and he was grateful that he didn't have to sleep outside in the rain. The couch was comfortable enough when he took a seat while Bella got a dinner together.

That night Alice discovered that he was either allergic to most foods or a severe picky eater when halfway through the meal he experienced the sudden urge to vomit. After a hasty trip to the bathroom he excused himself and curled up on the couch. He nestled himself against the pillow and fluffy blankets in the corner, relaxed and warm enough for the nasty sensations to pass. He _did_ have trouble finding room for his long legs though. Charlie, feeling guilty, offered him medicine that he politely declined. He wondered faintly how he'd managed to eat that Jell-O in the hospital.

The comfort and security must have lulled him to sleep because he heard Charlie through a blanket of black and emerged with heavy eyelids and a loose mouth. The man was in an armchair not far away. Seeing as his words had flown right over Alice's head, he repeated, "Can I talk to you?" Alice nodded in response, but he was still restless from the dreams he'd just emerged from. Unlike his original thoughts, they hadn't been nightmares, but he wasn't sure that he had words to describe them either. Either way, a few more weird questions wouldn't hurt the headache these mysteries were starting to give him. The frustration was draining him emotionally.

"We asked around the town nearby. Of course, everyone there is so drunk they wouldn't remember their own mothers if they saw them, but one place said something interesting. A regular customer seems to have been killed there just last night, though they weren't happy to admit it. Don't know why, since they already reported it…Well, no one remembered seeing you, but forensics is on it… mind you, we don't have the best team in the country, but I'm thinking we can find out what happened to you pretty soon."

"W-what's the point in telling me this? It's happened already, does…does it really matter that much?" Alice said quietly, his pretty face twisted as if in physical pain. He wrapped his arms around his knees and buried his face against the pillow. Truthfully, there were memories behind the forest now- flashes of bright lights and crowds and many things Alice did not want to touch. The chief was nice, but he didn't like how the man was prying in his affairs.

"Well, sometimes the past can help," Charlie shrugged. He reclined against the couch and watched the game for a few moments, silent even when a team scored a point. "Besides, it's our job to catch rapists and murderers. It may not concern you personally, but it concerns the law."

"Are you saying I killed that man?" Alice exclaimed, his head shooting up almost painfully at the apparent accusation. He wasn't stupid or a coward. He knew what had happened to him; some of the memories were even beginning to resurface. Yes, he had been raped, but the possibility that he killed someone was unimaginable. He didn't have that drive and hatred necessary, not even if someone hurt him that badly. Alice stared at his long, pale hands as they trembled in his lap, stained with imaginary blood. "I'm not a murderer. I'm not a monster. What happened? I-I want to remember."

"I thought you didn't want to know about the past?" Charlie asked, confused. Alice shivered despite the warmth and as he pushed himself off the couch. One hand steadied his trembling body against the armrest, the other grasped at the silver pendants around his neck. They both contained that deep sense of intimacy he sought after and he clung to this newfound progress until his hand ached. The chief rose too, "Are you okay?" he asked.

Alice looked up at the man with wide, bewildered eyes that wavered between fight and flight. One moment they flashed with fright and the innate instinct to flee before harm could come to him. Another moment they glowed with the dangerous clarity of a creature ready to fight its way through to freedom. He shook his head rapidly and backed up a few steps at a time. "I don't know, I don't know," he muttered feverishly. Charlie made to catch him as he tripped over a spare show, but if anything the gesture made that wariness increase.

"Look, it was an accident, wasn't it? You didn't _mean_ to kill that man, if you even killed him at all. That's manslaughter and self-defense to top it off. He was _hurting_ you- it was only an accident because of that, wasn't it?" The chief spoke slowly, as if that would calm Alice's nerves and fears. He didn't know much about the law, only that killing someone was very bad and because he couldn't remember there was a possibility that he had killed the man and it wasn't an accident. He nervously asked Charlie how the man died. "It doesn't matter. Someone stabbed him with a thin weapon five times, if you have to know. Don't you worry, it'll be fine."

Alice had a strange feeling that nothing in his life went well, even if he couldn't remember any of it. The doctor was supposed to help but he left Alice more confused than before. Now he was a murderer and the crime sounded less and less like an accident the more he wondered about it.

He shook his head once before he bolted, quicker than the chief and more agile too. The man's shouts soon faded as he rounded the corner of the house and darted into the deep expanse of forest. The underbrush was a tangled, difficult mess to navigate and he wondered how he'd managed to find the town in the first place. The canopy loomed above his head, whistling and shuffling as the occasional pine needles drifted down. Thankfully, the rain had lightened to a soft drizzle lacking the strength necessary to penetrate the branches.

His bare feet sank into the ground and tossed up bits of mud as he ran, the cold numbing his toes. All sounds of human life had faded away. There was the occasional rustle of some animal in the distant treetops or beneath the undergrowth, but the entire time Alice saw no other signs of life. He eventually slowed when his lungs began to ache and his head pounded from his earlier sickness at dinner.

No matter how much he wanted to rid himself of his past it kept returning to haunt him. One minute he wanted nothing to do with it, the next he wanted all the answers. That dream had reminded him of the terrifying truth- that running away only delayed the inevitable. The details were sketchy, but the emotions the images left him with struck unforgettable scars into his mind. The creatures in his dream had those same eyes as the doctor and his family. They were ageless eyes that saw far deeper into a person's soul than any being had the right to. There had to be a connection between them, something Alice was ignoring or overlooking.

The near absolute silence surrounding him said it was impossible for anyone to be following him without his notice, but he had that prickly feeling that someone was at his heels. He pressed his damp back against a tree and the sensation faded into a different sort of paranoia. The dream had been the same way. It was him and that _person thing_ cornered with those creatures swarming around. Alice didn't understand what they were shouting; he was left with a torn feeling of despair and loneliness and behind that- hope.

"_Turn back,_" I whispered. Alice was misinterpreting everything; this town held all the answers we needed. He couldn't run away from everything that displeased him! This was our chance at understanding what those creatures wanted of me and Subaru. I had to find him; time was running thin. If we didn't get away from this place soon _that_ man would probably find us. I refused to let Subaru get hurt again.

"I-I can't! Turning back does nothing- the past can't do anything!" Alice retorted aloud. His voice was high pitched and panicked. He didn't wonder about the origin of the voice.

"_**I'm**__ your past; I can help you. Maybe that's true sometimes, but it's very important right now, whether you want to believe it or not. The doctor and his family know the truth, I'm sure of it. I can't be in their presence; only you can do it. It's your unknowing and innocence that lets you do what I can't. Now go back, talk to the doctor again. Tell him about that dream. I'm always here, you know, even if you can't hear me. Stay safe,_" I said. Alice hesitated, nails scraping against the rough tree bark and gorging shallow cuts into the surface without his knowledge. Just as I knew he would, he pushed away and headed back the way he came after a few agonizing minutes.

Alice emerged from the forest after a bit of difficulty, still conflicted and half unaware of what had just taken place. Whoever that voice was, it sounded just like him. Maybe it was that person he was searching for- but if so, then why did he still have that empty space in his chest? When he disappeared he'd taken their conversation with him, leaving Alice with only a faint sense of his purpose. He instilled in him that he could not run away anymore and that what he sought was somewhere in this rainy little town.

"Didn't I tell you it'd be alright?" Charlie Swan told him when he'd found his way back to the house with the help of the police station. Alice smiled weakly and nodded, hands clasped before him apologetically. The man seemed to have been a little worried over him.

"I'm sorry…I just needed some time to myself. Listen, can I take a shower?" Alice said, tugging disdainfully at his damp, dirtied clothes. It was certainly better than wearing a blood-encrusted shirt with rips and mud and debris clinging to it, but not pleasant in the least. "Can I have some clothes while I'm at it? I bet I smell really bad…"

Charlie chuckled and showed him upstairs, telling him to take his time. He seemed undecided about whether he should give Alice his own clothes, which were ten sizes too big, or his daughter's girl clothes. Alice thanked him either way and enjoyed feeling clean again, though that faint trace of blood on his hands didn't go away. He rubbed them with a white towel but no color bled onto the clean surface so he figured it was just in his head. Maybe he was going crazy or something.

Charlie seemed to think that because Alice had a girl's name he wouldn't mind wearing his daughter's clothing. Though Alice was taller than the girl, somehow the loose sweatpants and neutral shirt fit, not that he could really complain. Besides the loose clothes the police gave him, he had no other outfits. His old pair had been too far beyond repair to save.

That night Alice discovered that Charlie Swan was an avid fan of sports. The man retired to the armchair in front of the television with a beer while Alice tried to sleep again. With all the noise and the chief's cheering and outraged shouts he couldn't shut his eyes for more than five minutes and ended up watching guys tackle and dog-pile each other well into the morning. He didn't see the merit in it, nor could he keep track of the score. It wasn't a completely unwelcome distraction though, because Alice didn't want to have anymore nightmares about strange creatures chasing him in the middle of a moonless night.

When he did fall asleep his dreams were blissfully peaceful- snippets of quiet, pretty lulls in a life he supposed must have been his own with someone muttering little words of comfortable nothings. He wondered if that voice that sounded so familiar to him was the cause of it, but couldn't remember anything of it when morning came, anything except-

"_Subaru,_" I whispered. I missed him. He missed me too, somewhere, wherever he was.

_Who's Subaru?_ Alice wondered faintly. Was he the person in his dreams- the one he was searching for, the one that had disappeared?

In the morning, Alice requested one thing of Charlie Swan and his daughter.

"I want to talk to Doctor Cullen again, about a dream I had last night. I think it's important."

* * *

• When the first person point of view is used, Kamui from the first chapter is talking. 'Alice' is a split personality of sorts that he created in order to forget the past and face the future. Kamui and Alice are both separate entities, thus the strange points of view. Kamui knew something was off with the Cullen's by their eyes, obviously. He doesn't have an OMG ability, he's just observant.

• Hospitals have a reputation for bad food and yes, you do get pretty much nothing but Jell-O and drinks when the doctors deem that you can't handle solid food. The meal they eat here is something a relative got, actually. Apparently the soup is just a salty broth made from bouillon cubes.


	3. Pray in the House of God

_**Blood is thicker than Water**_

_**Chapter 3: Pray in the house of God**_

Because of Charlie's addiction to sports Alice didn't wake until the clock read well past noon. He stretched his sore and throbbing body to the best the confines of the couch would allow, slightly disoriented from the discomfort but rested well enough. The aches in his body were healthy, refreshing pains, but his internal conflict had yet to be put to rest. Even if sleep hadn't solved all of his problems, Alice was much happier for it. For a moment he remained on the crumpled couch, blankets and sheets tangled between his legs with the afternoon warmth on his face.

After a while, he reluctantly pulled himself from the cocoon and stumbled into the kitchen. He couldn't sit in his make-shift bed all day. Charlie had gone to work, his daughter to school, but had taken the time to leave a hasty note on the kitchen counter next to a bowl and a box of cereal. He apologized for being a terrible cook, not that Alice knew any different. The box cover did look a little bright and sugary, but he figured that he had little choice in the matter. As a guest he shouldn't complain and beggars couldn't be choosers.

He poured the colorful cereal into a bowl with increasing confusion as the tiny shapes fell. Curious, he placed one on his tongue and sweetness rushed down his throat. I winced at the taste and knew I could _not_ allow Alice to eat another bite of that horrid thing they called food. Sweets were Subaru's thing. "_Don't eat that, it'll give you a stomachache,_" said my voice. He wondered, _why_, not even realizing that he was essentially talking to himself. I chuckled at his innocence and naivety.

"_That kind of food isn't necessary to our diet. Processed crap will only upset your stomach, especially since I hate sweets. Just bear with it a little longer. I'm not sure you could get food for yourself without my help and that's out of the question with those creatures here. But you can drink the milk. We need liquids to survive like anything else._"

Alice absently nodded as he returned the cereal to the box and poured a glass of milk instead. With food in his stomach, even the slightest bit, deep pains began to shoot up his torso, making him wince as he tried to ignore the hollow feeling. That hadn't been there before; at least, he didn't think it had. That might have been due to the fact that his stomach rebelled last night and even water tasted funny. He _wanted_ to eat something, but had put the cereal away on reflex. Alice frowned.

Then he remembered. He remembered the voice that had forced him from the forest. "Who are you? Why are you talking to me? I'm not crazy," he said warily as he stood and glanced about the brightened, sun-washed kitchen as if that might reveal me. He looked about ready to yank his hair out from frustration.

"_Don't worry, we're not crazy. I think I would've figured that out a long time ago. I'm you, basically, and I'd like to talk to you. You remember last night? Of course you do. How could you forget?_" I chuckled. The humor faded from my voice when the hunger pains reached into me as well. "_We haven't eaten in weeks and usually I'm very good at ignoring it. I'm sorry. It's not nice to know hunger when you're young, but we don't have a choice. Do a favor for me and don't eat weird things, okay?_"

"I don't understand…" Alice muttered, collapsing against the counter. So this deep sensation was hunger? He hated it almost as much as he hated his contradicting personality. It distracted him from doing anything. "Can't you help me more than telling me not to eat? Isn't this your body too?"

"_Of course it is; that's why I'm telling you to bear with it a little longer. We have a sensitive stomach. Just keep your mind off it, think about other things. Like your dreams- they're more important than you think. I can't interpret them for you. Listen, I can't stay any longer. That girl's coming back. It wouldn't do for them to believe you're crazy on top of being an amnesiac,_" I said softly as I faded into a realm deeper in his subconscious. Hunger might be able to drive us mad, but Alice didn't know of our true nature and how to satisfy the pains so it was safe. All the more reason to hurry the process along- if by chance he _did_ discover our diet I didn't want to be on damage control.

Alice shook his head as the memory of the conversation slipped from his mind despite his efforts to keep a hold on them. He had a lot more questions the other him probably wouldn't answer, and a massive headache to top it off. The voice sounded confident that he wasn't insane and that should have been enough to convince him. It convinced him to put the cereal away while hunger clawed at his insides. But normal people didn't talk to themselves or a voice in their head. There was silence until the metal locks on the door shifted and squeaked.

At least the voice was right about one thing. Bella walked inside and ignored him as she fiddled around the kitchen. Alice stared at the leftover film of milk along the bottom of the cup, as intent on ignoring her as she was of him. After awhile the girl slung her backpack over her shoulder again and headed for the stairs. Before she left him to his silence and his thoughts she said, "Edward's coming to pick me up later so you can come with us." At Alice's slightly puzzled look, she frowned and exhaled an impatient breath. "You remember him, don't you? He's Carlisle's son, Edward Cullen."

The names clicked after a moment. Bella rolled her eyes and stalked upstairs without another word. Alice turned back to the milk with a frown. He hadn't even said anything and somehow she'd grown terse at him. Maybe if he wasn't so confused about his sanity and faint from hunger he'd be able to remember these small matters. The name of someone he barely knew and expected to never see again had been irrelevant until now. Although, Edward _was_ the doctor's son and the man was nice, if a little strange, so Alice guessed it wouldn't hurt to remember his name after all. At least it'd take his mind away from hunger.

Night swept in over his head as Alice trudged around tentatively investigating this and that around the house. So long as he stayed away from Bella's room and her belongings she ignored him. After he scoured the place a few times and indulged in a lazy nap on the couch, her boyfriend's car pulled into the driveway. The headlights shone into the dark first floor, throwing sharp shadows across the area. He hadn't bothered to find the light switch since the absence of light didn't bother him. Bella came downstairs, commented about the darkness, and the overwhelming white glare burned his eyes.

Wincing, he barely had time to catch the coat she threw at him on her way to the door. She had dressed nicely and greeted the doctor's son with a smile. Alice frowned and shrugged on the jacket as she beckoned him impatiently. He hurried outside to find that Edward drove another silvery car he was sure cost a fortune, and he was far too reluctant to sit in it. They rumbled out of the driveway a minute later, and from there the ride was awkward and silent. Alice knew that he was the main problem here. It was obvious that he didn't belong, especially when the two in the front seats kissed and muttered to each other.

Alice felt a little envious that they had each other and all he had was a voice in his head that starved him and shadowy figment of his dreams he wasn't quite sure existed. He supposed that people wouldn't realize how much they had until they lost everything- like how he'd lost all memory of his previous life and that person that mattered so much to him.

He was quite relieved when they arrived at the house standing in the exact same manner as the other night. The doctor was at the door waiting and hastily ushered him through the elegant main room and upstairs into his office. Alice wasn't bothered that didn't catch a glimpse of the family as he shuffled along after the man. He wanted to talk to Carlisle despite the fact that he didn't know where to start. The voice had said to never mention it to these people and it had been correct before, so Alice had no reason to doubt it. He settled for his dream- fumbling with his words and pausing as he recalled the fuzzy bits and dreadful shadows that crawled down his spine.

Carlisle found the situation interesting, his eyes calm and calculating the entire session. He offered small smiles of encouragement for the times when Alice grew particularly quiet. Before he could ask any further questions one of his daughters- the _other _Alice- flung the door open so hard it collided with the shelf beside it and unseated some of the books. She stared at Alice with wide eyes full of a clarity no other member of the family had and it frightened him.

"I know what he is," she said slowly, "and I know what he's going to do."

"Do tell," Carlisle said hastily, though his composure remained calm and unbroken. Alice wrung his hands nervously. How did she know what he was going to do? Why did she even need to _ask_ 'what' he was? He knew he was a boy with some mental disorder, if nothing else, not even a name. Unless she knew about that man Charlie had talked about, he was sure there was no reason to ask 'what' he was. The girl Alice closed the door behind her but didn't move any farther into the room. She stared at him with a mixed expression of disgusted horror and confusion.

"He's a vampire," she stated simply, too simply for Alice's taste. "A very different sort of vampire, but a vampire still."

For a few moments Alice processed the words- then he started in his seat and sputtered some indecipherable sound. It wasn't the most intelligent response that had ever come from his lips, but he hadn't heard her wrong _three_ times. But that was next to impossible for a person, wasn't it? The real world had laws of nature, basic laws that weren't possible to breach that much. People that consumed the life blood of others was just a silly fantasy tale, wasn't it? It was a story to scare people.

"I suppose that could be possible…" Carlisle pondered. Alice gaped at the doctor, having thought that the man was perfectly sane before he agreed with the girl. The man continued despite Alice's utter disbelief. "He has a heartbeat, and a slightly raised one at that. Judging by the marks on his clothes, someone shot him recently but there isn't even a scar. He should have high amounts of alcohol and drugs in his bloodstream but they barely showed up in the test. Those dreams are possibly…the Volturi? Maybe they're as curious as we are about him. It would make sense."

"That's another thing," said the girl Alice, her voice thick and heavy with disgust. "I had a vision. In it he was standing next to someone almost identical to him in the middle of a forest, a clearing, and all around them were dead bodies. They were smirking and their hands were bloody. They had claws. The Volturi were there, mad at them I think, and there were other humans around too. And all of us were there."

It was a disturbingly peculiar thought even with the vague details. Alice winced and stared intently at his hands folded in his lap. His dream had been similar but he and that person important to him weren't capable of killing like that, were they? Such an idea was impossible, he thought. He didn't _want_ to hurt anyone. Or did he? Had he lost his memory because he wanted to forget all that he'd done? Maybe he'd killed before and maybe he'd enjoyed it. A gut-wrenching dread tore through his torso, worse than hunger. He swallowed a thick lump and said very quietly, "What'll you do with me?"

"Nothing, your fate is for you to decide," Carlisle said after a thoughtful moment. He walked past his daughter and opened the door to reveal his son, Edward. Had he been listening? There seemed to be no change in expression in the young man's face signaling that he'd heard the conversation or perhaps he just didn't care. That was hard to believe though, almost as hard as it was to believe that Alice was a vampire of all things that lived in the world. He wondered how they even knew vampires existed. They might have been part of a cult but the idea was still strange. "We just have to pray that you make the right choice."

"What if I don't have a choice?" Alice wondered nervously, staring at Edward, who beckoned him to follow with that same cold expression on his face. A lot more time had passed than he noticed, because Bella was already gone. As he approached the doorway he felt the urge to seek reassurance in the doctor's calming nature or even face the girl's disgust and anger, anything but Edward's indifference. He had no other choice but to follow and stop delaying the inevitable. At that point he wasn't confident that he had _ever_ had a choice from the beginning- not with his memories, not with his future. Maybe he had only ever had the choice to kill and in desperation for independence, he had committed that horrible act and enjoyed it.

"There's always a choice," the doctor said briefly before the door closed behind him. His voice had that reassuring tone, without any real basis for Alice to believe him. He stumbled down the stairs after Edward's even, quiet paces and through to the silver car outside. A deeper night had fallen, the sky pitch black and absent of stars. The moon was a thin sliver that flickered in and out of existence as clouds drifted by. Nothing good ever happened at night. It made Alice nervous and skittish.

"Stop staring and let's go," said Edward from his car. Alice tore his eyes away and saw him resting impatiently against the wheel. Eager to escape the ominous dark, Alice rushed to the passenger seat and immediately felt out of place. Maybe he should have sat in the back. After all, this was where Bella had been and no one except for the adults seemed very fond of him. Edward offered no complains as he pulled out of the clearing with the white-faced house and back on the worn dirt path through the forest.

The main, proper road was dead empty. The occasional car passed them by, the headlights a beacon a mile away. Alice focused on the neon green numbers flashing the time, the conformity of the forest giving him the chills. He didn't know how anyone navigated here. There were signs every now and again, but the forest made everything identical. He doubted that he could find his way if he got lost. It was pure dumb luck that he found his way after running from the chief's house.

There was a thick, dead silence in the car again. He didn't like it and didn't dare start a conversation. He was still too confused about what that girl had said. It irked him that the doctor had believed her silly little story about him being a vampire of all creatures in the world. Then again, this _was_ a dreadfully isolated little town. Maybe there wasn't much sense in their heads to begin with. It fit the dreary aesthetics of this place at any rate.

He didn't remember the trip to Charlie's house taking this long, though he supposed it was just him- until Edward drove off the road and into the forest again. There was just enough space for the car to pass without scraping trees, the ground covered in undergrowth that made the vehicle lurch and jerk. Alice grasped at the door with a white-knuckled grip, relieved when Edward finally stopped the car because some brambles had caught in the tires. The boy cursed but didn't fix it when he got out. Alice wondered if he wanted help when Edward came over to the passenger's side and motioned him outside. He wasn't keen on standing in the cold to untangle thorns from a car but didn't have much of a choice and climbed out to stand next to the doctor's son.

Alice looked up at him- he was only a few inches taller, actually- and quirked his eyebrow when Edward didn't give the brambles another glance. Instead he grabbed Alice by the arm and took off into the forest, the silvery chunk of metal fading into the distance.

"Where're we going?" he frowned. The undergrowth tore rips in his borrowed pants. He was willing to bet that Bella wouldn't appreciate coming back in tatters. Edward walked surprisingly fast despite the vegetation winding across the ground that slowed Alice considerably. His grip on Alice's thin arms hurt as he yanked him forward before his feet could follow. The anxiety in the pit of his stomach churned and he tried to reclaim his arm, though his captor probably didn't even feel his efforts. "Let me go, it hurts," he said.

"Fine, here you are." Edward stopped abruptly. Before Alice could so much as collide against his back, he was thrown across a gap in the earth. He heard the water trickling feebly downstream as he went flying and handed against a tree trunk. It was a perfectly aimed thrust that left his back smarting. Alice winced and gazed at him in confusion. He didn't think that he couldn't cross that tiny stream, could he? Alice wasn't that weak, even if he really was skinny and malnourished.

"Have fun with the dogs." Edward waved briefly before the looming trees swallowed up his form. Alice frowned and called out to him. He could tell that there were no dogs around here. He didn't hear a trace of barking anywhere, just the retreating thumps of Edward's feet against the earth and the shifting of the trees. As the forest grew as quiet as it came, Alice pushed his body away from the tree only to cry out in pain and collapse to his knees. He placed a hand on his back and frowned, feeling a sticky liquid that was darker than his skin color on the palm. When he'd hit the tree, it didn't hurt that much…the skin couldn't have broken, could it?

Either way, Edward was gone and Alice left with a wounded back and a sentence that didn't make much sense. He steadily rose to his feet, ignoring the pain and the dirt on Bella's clothes. She wouldn't want them back all bloodied. He stumbled over to the edge of the small indentation in the ground to take a look at the stream. There wasn't anything special about it, just mud, twigs, stones and a thin thread of water. A little ways off he found a space where it had pooled and stared at his reflection. He touched his face and the other him touched his face. He was missing something, wasn't he? There was surely someone on the other side of that mirror who wasn't him.

Before he could examine the peculiarity further a shiver shook the ground and disrupted the natural mirror. Alice swung his head around a little too late for him to react to the huge, bulky beast that picked him up by the shoulder. Large teeth ground into the soft flesh there before his legs were swaying and he went flying for the second time that night. When he'd recovered from the shock- not the pain, he didn't really feel that, he didn't think- he saw more of the beasts surround him, each with a snarl and beady eyes on its hairy face. Were these dogs? He heard dogs in his dream and they sounded different than these ones, but he had never seen one.

"Filthy…again…die!" Alice heard voices immersed in snarls and growls from behind him, but when he turned there was only another brown beast approaching him, a dark look in its beady eyes. Somewhere inside he was panicking, but the weird feeling from before filled him again, filled him with courage and took away some fear. He climbed to his feet just as they closed in and lunged.

Alice figured out the pattern soon enough. One or two would lunge and gnash their jaws together, but didn't aim to actually bite him. The rest would enclose him and snap at his heels and if he wasn't careful, the first two would be at his front with fangs and claws. He didn't know if it was that feeling inside him that gave him the speed necessary to just barely escape their fangs and claws without dying or if it was pure luck. That one part of him that was afraid became terrified and sometimes it screamed and sometimes that deeper feeling silenced it.

The overall one-sided fight didn't last that long though it seemed like forever. Then again, Alice had a hard time distinguishing time and it was really only the adrenaline that kept him alive that long. The last straw and the final blow wasn't even a surprise attack from the behind, it was just a simple lunge at his chest, right over that heart of his that beat, wild and scared, in his chest. That was the end, then? He would die without ever finding that person, with only a name to cling to.

He wasn't sure how he had this much time left, but he clasped his hands together around the silver pendants hanging over his shirt and prayed. He wasn't sure what he was praying to- he had no God to believe in, no one from his past to pray for. He couldn't pray for an empty life not worth living. It was just best to accept the death sentence and go down quietly, with dignity, than fuss with silly things like prayers.

Alice closed his eyes that flickered between grey and green and golden.

The pendants burned or maybe it was just the blood, hot and steaming against a cooling body. He wasn't dead yet, but soon he'd be like that man. Then-

"_Don't attack my master. He's __**mine**_."

* * *

• I don't think Kamui and Subaru are that religious in TRC. But Alice doesn't know any better. Technically Alice is not his other's self's 'master'. He's just controlling the body right now, like a puppetmaster.

• The wolf's broken sentence is because it's morphing between human and wolf, thus the snarls and growls Alice can't understand. It's saying "Filthy vampires again, why don't you just die!".


	4. Salvation for the Wretched

_**Blood is Thicker Than Water**_

_**Chapter 4: Salvation for the Wretched **_

"_Don't attack my master. He's __**mine**_."

The satisfaction of control was intoxicatingly sweet, sweeter than the bitter amontillado. Even sweeter was the satisfaction of surprise and unrest that spread across the gnarled features of the canines that surrounded me. Their confidence was laughable and came off their pelts in waves, a sign that already insured their defeat before the battle had begun. Overconfidence has the ability to destroy great armies and civilizations, likewise for this pack of mutts who dared harm my other self. The claws that extended from my fingertips were not enough a warning for these dense beasts that I meant trouble and wouldn't die without taking them down with me. Perhaps they'd never lost a battle before and that made them arrogant.

The observations I collected while I fed Alice enough strength to survive showed that wolves had a cooperative attack pattern, alternating between strikes yet unpredictable. They seemed to be able to communicate with incredible swiftness and worked like a well-oiled machine. The difference was that machines lacked confidence and other emotions. Passionate emotions could also intensify the will to fight, however, so emotion was a double-edged blade. They had not lived and fought often enough to understand the internal workings of conflict and combat and that would be their downfall.

The first one lunged at the left flank and I presumed they believed the left to be a weak side, as with handwriting. The extended claws on my hand clashed with fangs and scratched the sides of its mouth, sharper than the best blade. Blind spots and weak points were the first places strengthened in training, though they gave a valiant effort to attack each weak spot on the human body. Ironically enough the first scratch they landed on me was at the most vulnerable spot, the throat, where a thin line of red blossomed across my skin.

At some point between the fight one of those wolves suddenly changed from a canine to a human as bulky as the animal form. If they wished peace, for several deep gashes ran across the furry surface of their pelts, they would not have it. Peace treaties were for the wounded and battered. The wolves backed away, snarling and ready to jump into the fray once more. A scoff escaped my throat and I inclined my head towards the human one.

"What the hell sort of vampire are you?" he said, voice a strange sounding mixture between and shout and a growl. I blinked in surprise and chuckled, amused.

"I'm a pureblood, if you must know, and _what the hell sort of wolf are you_?- if you don't mind my asking." There had to be some presence of civilization present in this forest. Not everyone could be mad and ill-mannered. Nothing would get done that way.

"We're werewolves. What sort of vampire doesn't know that? We hunt you scum down and kill you. You disrupt the peace." The man thought a moment and added, "vampires aren't born from _two_ other vampires anyways."

"Well aren't _you_ narrow-minded," I commented. It seemed to irk them and a few closed in with lips curled back to bare their fangs. I had a feeling I was treading thin ice at the moment. Below were vicious piranha wolves waiting to eat me or something. They didn't seem as tolerant of insults as I. "There's many species of animals and plants on this earth, so why must vampires be consistent? Besides that I am not from this earth. I come from a different dimension where there _are_ purebloods."

"You're crazy," said the man before he changed again, into the burly wolf once again that leapt into the air but was easily dodged.

"I'm mad, you're mad, everyone's mad, hell, even the world's mad. Happy now?" I snickered at them, but my foolish arrogance cost me when large fangs clamped down on my wrist. The wolf made to rip it to shreds and I sacrificed my defense to the right in order to swipe the creature across the nose. For a moment it seemed to smirk in satisfaction until it realized that those wounds barely hindered me, as if I'd never felt them at all. "Do you suppose everything that lives under the sun is governed by the simple rules you know? That is why there are dastardly mutations and creatures that live out of the jurisdiction of the sun, which reasonably, is the source of all life. There are some things the gods and heavens cannot control and do you suppose you know everything there is in this world and beyond?"

The beasts snarled as if to declare, '_Shut up!_' and lunged again, faster this time, with far deadlier accuracy. I danced around them until I could no longer remain graceful and keep my appendages intact. I don't think they expected me to attack and corner a single one of them and ignore the others though they did not cease their biting. All it took to pierce its coat was a single stab through the head and its blood gushed, splattering the forest floor and healing my wounds. The snarling suddenly ceased and turned to careful growls of outrage as the wolves backed away slowly, their leader the only one to remain posed to strike not two feet before me.

"I think that was rather dull," I pondered, flicking the blood onto the scratches that lay all across my body. The wolves seemed to grimace and remain in shocked horror that the blood of others healed my wounds. "I hope Subaru comes soon. He'll make this so much more…thrilling."

"There's _more_ of you?" the man demanded, now human with a blink of an eye. "Mind your own business. What the hell do you have to get done here?"

"Only one more, my twin," I commented, eyes suddenly darting to shadows that flickered in the corner of my eyes. I didn't suppose that they'd called reinforcements who could move that swiftly and silently. Besides that, those brief little shadows somehow felt familiar. A gut feeling is never to be ignored, but I pushed the conversation to the main priority. "Well, I was just wondering about those _other_ vampires who really have no sense of hospitality. Armies aren't built by the philosophy of 'join or die' anymore, in case they haven't come out of their rabbit hole in the past few years."

"Stop your blabbering," the man snarled before he changed again. It was really becoming quite a boring process. It would have carried on until either side was dead until a variable I'd often met and faced with equal hatred each time entered the equation. His presence should have been expected, after all he'd been hunting Subaru and I to the ends of every world that existed. Truly, I should have not been caught off guard by his demon ogres, the shadows I'd seen in the trees before. Many times before I'd fought them and it was a wonder how foolish I was, so absorbed in a fight with lackluster enemies and leaving my real weaknesses exposed.

"_Seishiro_," I sneered, gripping at the place where a shadowed claw had ripped open my right arm from shoulder to elbow. It stung and was by no means a minor wound like the others. Those ogres who still hid in the shadows were partially solid creatures who bore no blood, which meant I could not heal the gash. Seishiro would never allow me close enough to do any further damage than scratch him and he stood between me and the wolf corpse. I wished Subaru was here. Then again, I also wished that he would wisely stay far, far away and stay out of danger. I wasn't confident that I could protect him anymore, not after that last episode.

"Well, well, where's your twin, _Kamui_," Seishiro said smoothly, annoyingly calm and menacing. He wore his usual billowy coat that concealed various weapons I had no desire to learn about. I would rather fair against the wolves at my fact first, though I was eager to make a massacre out of the treasure hunter Seishiro who had pursued us for so long. I swore at one point that I would kill him and I wouldn't break my promises.

"Who the hell are you?" said a wolf-man, a different one this time. Seishiro regarded the creatures with his usual, calculating air that meant he was evaluating whether or not they would make good treasures and if he should consider adding them to his collection. The other option was to kill anyone that obstructed his path. He didn't kill me because he wanted Subaru and we were linked. He had no interest in boring old me, though. He only held interest for Subaru.

"Why, I am Seishiro, hunter of all things worth value in any universe. I must say, I have no interest in any of you and that is such an unfortunate fact." Seishiro offhandedly dismissed his ogres but I had a sneaking suspicion they had not gone far.

"What he means is, you're as good as dead to him, so you'll do best to run for your life before he kills you." I scoffed at their foolish, stubborn attitudes and only muttered, "It's your funeral."

"What has gotten you so angry already, Kamui?" Seishiro didn't sound very sincere, just bored and stalling. "Maybe it's because Subaru's not here? I must say I am quite disappointed about that as well. Shall we wait? It is simply not as exciting a battle without a whole. Half a person is lacking charm."

"I'm angry whenever you're around," I frowned. Yes, I was probably angry because Subaru was missing and I didn't know what had happened to him, but I didn't want to give him the satisfaction of confirming the truth. He didn't need any ego boost whatsoever. "Glad to know you like me _so_ much. Now I would appreciate it if you left my brother alone for good. So much less blood would be spilt that way."

Seishiro didn't respond. He only gave me a smug look and crossed his legs, meaning he really was serious about sitting around here until Subaru found us. I informed him that even I didn't know his whereabouts, but the hunter only replied that some time or another he wouldn't be able to stand staying apart from his _beloved_ twin for such a long period of time and I was only the bait. The ogres had not gone far, then, just out of the line of vision, waiting for someone to stray away and slaughter them. Those mutts should have ran while they could.

"I've waited long enough to kill you," I snapped, positioning myself for combat despite the burn in my right arm, which was rendered nearly useless. I could barely move it without the nerves going haywire. With a kick off the ground I normally wouldn't need I lunged and we started to exchange blows.

The fight didn't go so well for me and at some point I noticed the shadows start to move, become thin and human shaped, and I knew something was terribly wrong. Ogres didn't have such thin forms. They were bulky creatures or wisps of shadows that struck and disappeared, silent assassins. These forms were actual humans, I realized when I'd caught their scent. The wolves seemed to notice as well, because they'd changed again and stood in shock and apprehension.

"What kind of trick have you played this time?" I snarled between pained gasps. Pain braided by side where it had been struck by a bullet and my right arm had long lost feeling. The pain numbed it at least, so I was able to ignore that wound as damaging as fighting was to me.

Seishiro had mastered his smug composure and told nothing, only stepped back, ceased his attacks, and pointed to the forest where the shapes of townspeople emerged. They were by no means zombies, walking normally, and their eyes weren't empty and dead. They held hatred instead, a hatred for all the wrongs in their life.

"Isn't it so wonderful, hatred and blame? All it takes is blaming a single thing and an entire community can so quickly change their views…That madness drives humans crazy. Control is a wonderful thing too, being able to manipulate and twist the truth until it is no longer the truth…You vampires aren't so different from humans, are you? You're just sturdier. It's a pity these little tricks don't work on you."

The town didn't have that many citizens but they were enough to form a small army fueled by hatred and enough to send me fleeing. I knew which battles I could and could not win. There was no way I was throwing away my life in a final stand, not when Subaru still stood somewhere, waiting. I ran very fast but Seishiro did not seemed too concerned with catching up, as the wolves had joined in the chase again, of their own free wills. They probably figured it was better to side with him, who was human, even if he were evil and creepy.

A sudden, far from unwelcome sensation welled in my chest and I almost cried in joy to feel him again. Over such a long distance words were useless but strong emotions still reached the surface. Subaru was worried and frantic. As much as I wanted him to come and to feel his warm body next to mine again, I pushed those feelings of longing away so he would not feel them. I warned him instead. Danger was here, so don't come, I begged desperately. There must have been some doubt in my soul, some feeling that despaired and wanted him to come, to hear his voice one more time. It said, _I might not keep that promise_. Everything intimate wasn't a secret between us and I swore, knowing full well that nothing would stop Subaru from staying put after that.

"_I want to help you,_" came a softer version of my own voice, which startled me and caused me to trip over a protruding root. It took me a moment to recognize the voice as Alice, who I'd made suffer so much already. I declined his offer rather hastily and glanced behind me shoulder. Sooner or later they would catch up and I would be dead. "_Let me help you like you helped me._"

"I got you into this mess," I muttered. "Besides, this pain would be too great for you to handle. You would go mad experiencing it for just a moment. Save yourself the pain and quietly stay away until you die. There's no need to subject yourself to such pain before you die so young. Subaru won't make it in time."

"_I'm certain that I can help, though. __**I**__ haven't done anything wrong. I don't remember anything. I'm not…a vampire. I'm just not._" Alice was so disillusioned it was pitiful. He didn't understand the human heart and the hatred in every person's heart.

Shortly, we didn't have much of a choice left when the local vampires appeared. By this time I'd already reached a part of the forest where a clearing was laid out before me. They stood waiting and as they moved forward to make a blow that surely would have been the last, I gave in. Die swiftly by their hands or suffer by either the townspeople or Seishiro and his torture were the choices. I chose neither.

"I'm sorry, Alice," I whispered as I left the control to my other self and instantly regretted it.

Alice collapsed screaming in pain and gripping our arm and side, dry heaving from the intense burning and crying through gasps of breath. It hurt me emotionally and I wanted to emerge again to save him from the pain, but it stopped the vampires in their tracks as Alice had predicted. He sacrificed his innocence to save us and I wouldn't let that be in vain. The vampires had some sort of compassion in them, then, especially the doctor who probably was making a mental breakdown of our wounds, categorizing them as a habit under that composed mask. I soothed Alice with words of nothings the best I could but he didn't remember me, not really, and just curled on the ground writhing and panting for air.

The vampires started in surprise and the doctor ran over to Alice's side, though he cleared the distance so fast I was instantly suspicious again. He gently uncurled our limbs and frowned, probably thinking that a normal person would be dead. The waves of anxiousness I had from staying in such a close proximity to a being that drank the blood of others and might not have the control I did must have affected Alice. He lashed out with his left arm, our extended claws creating tears in the doctor's coat, though his skin came away unharmed. I forced the claws to retract because the sight of them made Alice hysterical.

"Are you still Alice or are you that other person?" asked Edward, whose voice came from above so suddenly Alice started in fear. His actions were childish because if he'd survived those wounds, there was little to fear in the world. I never wanted him to suffer like this. He strongly reminded me of Subaru and I'd failed to protect him so many times. I couldn't even protect someone who lived in the same body as I.

"I'm Alice," he whimpered pitifully. The doctor didn't do anything but prevent him from hurting himself even more through the pain-filled haze. Probably figured that someone would be taking us down soon enough and they probably only wanted to ask questions. Humans are selfish things and even the gift of immortality cannot remedy that.

"Where's your other self? Make him come out," Edward demanded. "What's happened to the town? It must be your doing. The Volturi have something to do with this, don't they? What the hell do they want?"

"_They want what any other being that seeks power wants: more power and a stronger army_," I said, unseen and unheard by anyone other than Alice, or so I thought.

"They want to recruit you? Figures," Edward scoffed. I mentally frowned and wondered if he could read minds because all that came out of Alice's mouth were whimpers and cries. "I case you're wondering, yeah, I read minds."

"_Freak of nature_," I muttered. Intrusion on such an intimate matter was considered a capital offense on some universes. Even among the strongest beings telepathy beyond immediate bonds was rare and frowned upon, because if what the mind and soul contained was no longer precious and special, what was the worth of living?

"…Why are you stalling?" He must have ignored the insult when he paused. I didn't really get how he knew I was stalling for time, because I hadn't thought about it since Alice and I switched. If he knew he wasn't telling me.

"_I'm only putting off the inevitable because dying by your hands or that hunter's hands isn't a very nice prospect to look forward to. You have compassion for Alice, don't you? You should, he's innocent. He doesn't know anything about reality and he's a really sweet boy. I should never have made him,_" I said softly. "_Besides that, if I truly were to die now I would want to stall enough so that the hunter doesn't get too good a head start on Subaru. I've failed him so many times. Somehow, I also want to see him one more time before I die._"

"Do you die easily or something? Our kind is a lot tougher than you." He made no comment about Alice, but we weren't dead yet so I supposed it worked.

"_We're not much different than humans. We drink blood, yes, but we can also consume regular food. We heal very fast but we bleed like anything else. Our nervous system is screwed up so we don't feel any pain in battle, which can lead to our deaths before we realize we're mortally wounded. So why haven't you killed us yet?_"

"We're not like the Volturi," Edward said simply, quickly. He wanted to differentiate him and his family from those other creatures, I suppose. He must have paused to dig around in my head again, because then he said something he shouldn't have known. "Then this hunter isn't a threat to us. How can you explain that premonition?"

"_I can't_," I said plainly. "_Supposing that your sister is never wrong I guess it's not my time to die._"

I was surprised that Alice hadn't passed out already and congratulated him on his resilience, not that he heard it at all. The footfalls of the townspeople were finally catching up to the clearing and I swallowed mentally, thinking that perhaps that girl had been wrong. Seishiro probably hadn't had anything to mutilate in some time and he probably would enjoy seeing Subaru's horrified face later.

Speaking of Subaru, I suppose miracles do happen and the gods really do exist sometimes. Maybe it was just pure luck. I never did believe in such things. Only the strong survived in the harsh world. The weak died and became the food for the strong. That was how we functioned, watching each other's backs and knowing that one slipup would make us weak as a whole. We protected each other and if we got out of this alive, we would protect Alice too.

"_**Alice**__, really? You're not incredibly creative, my dear brother._ _What's this nonsense about dying? You're not dying on me yet, I'm afraid._"

I smiled. "_You're the creative one. Besides, Alice is a part of us now. You're not the one who has to share a body, so shut it._"

I really wished that he'd stayed away but I was so glad, so elated to hear his voice and see his face that I never wanted to be separated again, even if it meant harm coming to the both of us. We'd face it together, then.

"_You should really take better care of yourself, brother._"

I scoffed and allowed Alice to rest at last. When I emerged the pain was not intense enough that I had to scream and Alice's presence was a quiet lull deep within. He was probably sleeping, worn by his experience.

"_It's nice to meet you, thank you for taking care of my brother,_" said Subaru. I silently thanked him as well. Alice made some sort of confirming emotion within and I took my focus off him and to the shadows where my twin stood.

"It's starting," the girl Alice announced suddenly, anxious as the townspeople emerged from the woods behind Subaru. I was only focused on him, though, and nothing else. It could wait, couldn't it?

How selfish our souls are, even in the most dire moments.

* * *

**_Notes/References:_**

• I completely suck at writing battle scenes. D:

• Congratulations, you have a name. Kamui and Subaru. Much easier to figure out now. No, they're not from _Vampire_ _Knight_.

• "I'm mad, you're mad, everyone's mad, hell, even the world's mad" is paraphrased from _Alice in Wonderland_. Mad=crazy, not angry. Rabbit hole is also another reference to _Alice._

• Thanks to my science class for that bit about the creatures that don't need the sun to live. They live under the sea, no light at all, and survive. I think they're certain plants and stuff.

• Again, Kamui's nervous system is fried. Alice's isn't for some reason, so he felt all the proper amounts of pain.

• Demon ogres=Japanese Oni

• Seishiro is not a vampire hunter. He is a treasure hunter and is only after Subaru. I'm not familiar with his character though, so their interactions are a little off.

• Townspeople=Remember the Holocaust? How a lot of people blamed the Jewish people for things they had no control over? I little reference to that, that humans can blame something on others because they want a rational thing to hate. The human mind works in weird ways. No offense though. As for how Seishiro pulled it off, I don't realyl know. He's sneaky like that.

• Subaru and Kamui's emotional exchanges=The bond between twins, like twin telepathy, only they can't read each other's thoughts.

• Strong live, the weak die=reference to _Rurouni Kenshin_.

• Subaru speaks in italics because he's hidden in the shadows and you can't see him yet. Kamui is speaking through Alice's mouth, though Alice is still in control, which is why his speech is in italics.


	5. Through the Looking Glass

_**Blood is Thicker Than Water**_

_**Chapter 5: Through the Looking Glass**_

Subaru and I were twins born of a pureblooded vampire family and while that girl Alice might have seen a mirror reflection in her brief premonition, we were vastly unalike. As Subaru emerged from the shadows, from the forest though I'd not idea as to how he'd come, the differences became apparent.

Tall and thin we both were, with short dark hair and pale complexions. Most of our traits, physical and personality wise, stopped being similar at that. If one were to name one of us 'good' and the other 'bad', Subaru would without a doubt considered the good one, right down to his appearance and the soul that made his body complete.

With hair that grew wild and untamed, so grew my personality, violent and impulsive. Subaru and his tame, neat hair settled his image of a good boy, who wouldn't attack without knowing the consequences, without a sure confidence of success. Subaru had a kinder heart than I, and it showed in his green, green eyes I preferred to compare with the earth rather than emeralds. Emeralds were hard, cold gems and Subaru was nothing but warm. My eyes were dark, so dark we often disputed their true color at some childish point in our lives, before all this happened. Dark as my eyes was my heart. I didn't care and had no compassion for anyone other than Subaru. Anything else anyone would say is a lie, because all those seemingly kind efforts of mine were in truth, purely selfish.

Subaru approached with a smile on his friendly face, a warm smile not at all sarcastic. He was always so kind, so uncaring of his own health. It angered me, but there were things about him I could never change no matter how close our relationship.

Perhaps I was lying when I said that our similarities ended with some of our looks. I'd lived my life a lie, after all, and who am I to trust? My word against no one and I am a liar. There were certain aspects that Subaru did have in common, when there really was no different between us. Perhaps that girl had seen those sides to us instead of simple appearances.

Whenever push came to shove and one of us was in danger, the other always acted promptly and with such resolve and fierce protectiveness that mostly everyone involved wound up dead afterwards. It didn't matter if softhearted Subaru or coldhearted me switched roles of protector and victim, because we both acted equally protective of each other. There was no such word as _mercy_ when the other had been hurt. That is why I lied.

At that moment I felt that resolve in Subaru's gentle grip on my shoulders, the resolve that promised we'd flay whoever hurt us alive. Behind his smile, which was flickering now, sadness and regret filled his soul. We really weren't very different from each other, if I thought hard enough about it. We weren't very different from humans either.

"Don't," I muttered, raising a weakened hand covered in blood, perhaps some of my own and that of enemies. I stopped Subaru from extending a single claw and bringing it to his arm, from letting his lifeblood flow out just as mine did. He had an injured look on his face, as if it wounded him more than me. "One of us hurt is enough."

"Then why don't we get this done quickly? Who's hurt you, my dear brother?" Subaru looked past us, at the other vampires who had long moved away. I thought on it for a moment, thinking that they'd left poor innocent Alice to that pack of wolves in the forest. The doctor had touched me before though, and I felt the lifeless flesh where no pulse was evident. Everything that moved must have some sort of bodily structure, more than just cold hard rocks, which didn't move and didn't live.

Having other ideas, one of the vampires moved forward in barely a blink of an eye, a movement that startled Subaru. He almost leapt right there and then, only he saw the blank emotion on the vampire's face that was almost as much an indicator as Seishiro and his confident attitude. "You have no idea how hard it is to destroy us. I would advise against it. We can't just let you go free though, to kill everyone here. Believe it or not, we don't like to cause meaningless destruction."

"Until someone hurts what we hold dear to us we do not strike, aiming for death," Subaru said steadily, appearing not at all intimidated, though I sensed a bit of apprehension deep within him. "Sometimes there is no choice. We had a choice to live though, and took that opportunity, so we won't forfeit it now without a fight…and for hurting my brother you must pay the price. It is only fair in a world of unfair things."

Though it was a valiant speech, speeches during the midst of battle were only brave words that meant little else. With a great struggle I rose on shaky feet and saw those vampires eye to eye, just a little bit. Perhaps they were just protecting who they held dear as well. Perhaps my brother and I were hypocrites, perhaps we lived wrongly, but in this messed up life of ours few things made sense. We only had each other, at the end of the day. At the end of this day, the sunset would be stained the bloody red of sacrifices, however.

"To save those you love…a life for a life, no? We won't kill them then," I said, clinging to Subaru. I wished for no one to hear these next thoughts, might they decide that their heroic and brave side wanted action. I clumsily turned Subaru so his back faced the vampires. Now I could safely assume they would not hurt us so long as we had an offer. These creatures seemed to hear even the faintest whisper, but they seemed to only understand English. Just in case, I obscured my moving lips from their sight behind my twin though they did not know this language, and spoke. Often there is said to exist a language between twins who share a deep bond. There are many names for it and to us, it is just another form of talking.

"Alright then," Subaru nodded, supporting my wounded body that had long passed its limits. I was starting to feel the intense pain from my limbs and chest, though according to the sounds from the forest, we wouldn't have to wait long.

I don't exactly know what happened in the following few minutes. I know that I had told Subaru to 'eliminate those overconfident mutts' and we'd both agreed to kill anyone who got in the way, including Seishiro. The hunter seemed to have gone this time though, leaving his masterpiece to create chaos and shake our wills. There no longer existed that sense of danger, that fear of a shadow stalking and ready to stab me in the back at any given moment.

There were horrible noises, piercing howls and human screams of pain, of anger, and the squelching of flesh and blood. I had closed my eyes and rested on the ground, breathing as steady as possible. Though the pain was just starting to become unbearable, I was aware that my wounds were fatal and I would die soon if I weren't healed. Those limits on our bodies I rarely remembered or observed and that was the most dangerous of all.

The vampires behind me jumped into the fray, but they seemed to remember my words and relented. They must have not liked those wolves because they did nothing when they fell. I knew this because for a moment I opened my eyes, only to shut them again when strange spasms shook my spine and head.

Subaru must have just finished. I heard his footsteps approach, his boots making horrible noises against the bloodied, trampled sward. There was a rough sound behind him, a body perhaps, and he knelt by my side dutifully, gently touching my face with a bloodied hand. There came another noise of gore, a claw slicing delicate flesh. The warmth of the blood washed over my chest then and I groaned slightly, feeling the tissues knit themselves back together faster than any creature had the right to. Before healing my arms Subaru took up the injured wrist and reset the bones, just in case something went wrong.

"Are you okay now?" Subaru asked kindly. The sight of his pale, smiling face splattered with blood as though it were only paint, dark hair neat as ever, and golden eyes fading slowly to green could only make me smile and nod. I rose stiffly and caught a glance of the battlefield stretched before us, bodies littering the ground once green and full of life. Still, life would continue here, though its people might never be the same. Those who'd recovered enough of their mentalities to escape my twin's wrath stood against the forest, frightened creatures with eyes wide as deer in the hunt. As promised, those who I told Subaru to spare were alive and that girl whose name I now forgot ran up to one of those vampires, heedless of us.

I wanted to cry like that girl was crying, but we were from a pureblooded family and nobles _did not_ cry. The hurt had been nothing, but the realization that I was so close to dying, and not just that, but leaving Subaru, was too unbearable. His smile, reassuring, promised something he would never lie about.

"_We'll always be together. Even if one of us dies._"

At some point in this little, meaningless tale I mentioned that the both of us lied many times. We lied so much that those lies became the truth. Sometimes they didn't. We were ready to break just one more.

"Take this back," I said, sliding the silver chain over my head and handing it to him. The weight of it was heavy, not meant for just one of us to carry. "We have one more thing to do, don't we?"

"Indeed." Subaru rose and I followed. We walked to the vampires and they sensed something strange, that I knew, but I'd promised them and they knew that I didn't lie.

Her blood was very warm and added another layer of red to crust over our bodies. Humans are fragile creatures. We were never human, so we couldn't know how that vampire felt when he watched her die. The love we shared was different, twisted, distorted. Our dispositions were completely different.

They forgot that Alice didn't lie. They forgot that _I_ lied. They forgot that we never knew human compassion. Maybe they never knew that in the first place.

If we could not kill those vampires, the next best thing was those they loved. If there was anything we'd learned over the years, it was about weaknesses. Strike at an unexpected time at an unprotected spot. Always have a backup, an escape, a plan. So after we spilled her blood we clamped the silver winged pendants together, as one, clung to each other, and disappeared into the void.

Deep within me, Alice muttered, 'I'm sorry,' but he didn't really mean it, because Alice was Kamui and Kamui was Alice and_ I_ wasn't human. So Alice's heart was pure but in the end, we were all very alike.

That night in those alleyways, in that bar, in the police station, seemed so far away.

Kindness, at a first glance, is sometimes only a cruel façade used by people for their own selfish gain. The only person one can trust is their self and even at that, I am capable of lying to myself, so nothing is ever perfect.

If there was one thing I learned here, it was this: Blood is thicker than water. How I didn't notice that before is another thing entirely. I'd always lived closely to that principal, perhaps too close.

The bonds I shared with my family- Subaru and now Alice, were much more important than any attachments or promises made with strangers. They were family, we were family. Because in the end, aren't we all just out to help ourselves and occasionally, those closest to us, related by blood.

I do not admit to perfection. No being is capable of that. Perhaps this tale of mine does not matter at all. Perhaps no one will ever read this, will never learn of the bonds of family and the issues of trust, betrayal, and the evils of the world contained by a single soul. It doesn't really matter, I suppose. History is doomed to repeat itself because we cannot stand to admit our wrongs and change ourselves.

To think, it all started at that seedy bar in a blood-soaked bed, with an innocent name in the aftermath of a not so innocent act. To think it all started when my lies became real, became something living.

I don't think I regret a thing that happened in that place. I might feel a little remorse for Alice, because I'd put him through so much, but it was best to live a life free of regrets. Regret only comes back to haunt you, after all.

So I shall leave you with a single thought among all others:

In due time, the past will disappear from memory and all past efforts will have been for naught.

Think about that when you have lived your life as you wanted or perhaps the complete opposite. Think about all you have done and ask yourself what those dear to you will remember you for, if they remember at all.

Then again, how do you know that all I have written has not been a lie?

* * *

**_Notes/References:_**

• _Through the Looking Glass and What Alice Found There_ is the sequel to _Alice in Wonderland_.

• Twin talk- It's said that sometimes twins develop a language of their own.

• Blood is thicker than water is a German saying.

Well, here's the end. And yes, Bella died. I have my reasons.


	6. Fairytales Never Existed

_**Blood is Thicker Than Water**_

_**Chapter 6: Fairytales Never Existed**_

Somewhere along the line I would up writing this little tale on a notebook I brought cheap from a store when Subaru, Alice, and I took a rest break in one dimension. Every three days I would go to a little café and sit down in the corner with a cup of tea or coffee and write while Subaru did whatever he wanted to do around the park, his favorite place. When we were at our rented apartment Alice would take over and narrate his part of the tale. Somehow, we all coped with each other.

We finished that tale, but we wondered what kind of disorganization we'd left behind in that small little town. Would the blood reach the ocean and carry farther down the coast or would the soil soak the moisture up and eventually decompose the flesh? Maybe those vampires would clean the place, maybe they would just move on to another. They were strange creatures, though I guess they're not any stranger than us. I wondered what kind of love they felt when they had no hearts and weren't technically _alive_.

They'd probably been living for years, like me and Subaru. If that was true, why hadn't they learned more about the world? Why were their minds limited to what they always knew and not what wisdom they achieved through living in the real world? Their emotions were silly and all they really knew was how to hide like dogs and lash out like dogs when cornered. I don't think they learned about life in the years they stayed alive. I hadn't spent much time with them, but it doesn't take much to reach that sort of conclusion.

They should have known that love isn't eternal.

Once, Subaru read a human text when we were laying low in a fancy hotel that was complete with numerous luxuries and _one_ book, of all things. Two of the lines went something like this: "_To everything there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven…A time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war, and a time of peace._"

As seasons pass and come again, so do love and hate, as well as every other aspect of life. Devotion may only last so long. Love can only remain passionate for so long. There's no such thing as _true love_. Humans can love until they die, perhaps, if they are lucky, because they do not live too long and they hate petty manners that are easily remedied. Immortal or near-immortal beings are not so lucky, because someday they will simply grown _tired_ of one another of not of arguments and conflict. I've seen it in our parents, who hardly sought each other anymore and barely looked each other in the eye.

Subaru and I aren't like that. We can never be like that because we are twins and the way we were raised doesn't allow us to be completely different entities. Maybe that's not right, maybe we should be individuals, but life didn't happen for us in that way. That's why we'll never know love or hatred for each other as others do, why we'll never feel love like others.

I don't need my own life to set an example because Subaru and I aren't pure and good. We've met people who are pure and good though, or as pure and good as people can get. Love is apparently something forged through friendship and fondness of someone dear. Love is found where people help each other, not just take and take and take. Maybe that's where that Edward guy's logic of love went wrong. Maybe he just wasn't lucky that I stumbled upon that place.

Fairytale endings never happen. A simple boy who tried to protect his childhood friend wound up forfeiting his love for her life. The knight who worked for his princess was sent away because he was too strong. A mage was never to return to his homeland unless he wanted to become an executioner. In return for wishes, sacrifices must be made. I won't tell you ours, that's a secret, though I don't mind telling about others.

I hate fairytale endings. They're just pieces of work mocking a life no one can ever have, is all. In the _real_ endings everything would end in some sort of death. Little Red Riding Hood would be eaten by the wolf, Snow White would make the evil queen dance to death in burning shoes, and the Little Mermaid wouldn't get her prince but end up throwing herself off a cliff.

I think I'm rambling, so I'll stop now, for good. I'll leave this notebook here and maybe someone will read it, maybe someone will just throw it away. Subaru's calling from outside the store. Our life isn't so bad that we want pity from others, so we don't show it even though Subaru's been troubled by recent events lately. His green eyes look sincerely happy though, so I'm happy too. That also makes Alice happy, though he's almost always happy anyways.

* * *

The horrible massacre in Forks went something like what Kamui guessed. The blood didn't reach the ocean, but the people from the next town over were met with a crimson forest and crimson meadows. There would be no graves because there were no bodies to bury, only masses of the remains of humans, indefinable even down to dental records. Quietly, slowly the mess would be cleaned and hidden away, very little leaking to the press. The town would live in fear for awhile and return to normal.

The vampires would never return. Edward would take Isabella Swan's body, the only recognizable one, and bury it somewhere secret, in a little meadow in the forest where he thought he'd fallen in love. He wouldn't love again after that for years until he realized the dead can never return. He would fall in love again, maybe with another human, maybe with a vampire. If it was a human, he might turn her into a vampire like Bella wanted or he might watch her die, too. If it was a vampire, they would eventually part when their love grew tedious and strained.

He would forget the first human girl he loved because dwelling on the past to an unhealthy level never brought anyone far in life. When he loved again he would maybe remember and feel sad, but it wasn't something he could help.

He would hate those vampires who killed her, of course, even after he forgot Bella, because hate doesn't fade as fast as love for some. Oh, he would hate them, but he would never see them again. They belonged to a different world and belonged to every world for only one time. He would still hope that they would return to he could kill them, get revenge for their betrayal. Most importantly he would have to ask them _why_, _how_.

He wanted to know why he never knew Kamui or Alice or _whoever_ he was called, was actually a vampire when he read their mind the entire time. If one personality hid while the other was around yet still consciously _there_, why couldn't he hear them? He'd only heard Alice, innocent Alice who'd just been a ploy.

Hearing an extra voice made him doubt his ability. One day his fairytale would end because it didn't end with one death. It would end when he wasn't able to stand the questions anymore and when everyone left him because he was too much to bear. It would end when he foolishly left himself be killed and he would remember all the women he killed in some way or another and he would die in pain with the never-ending pain of guilt heavy in his heart.

* * *

"_Because fairytales don't exist and they never have._"

"…_After all, all I ever do is __**lie**__._"

* * *

This is finished. Thanks for reviewing. :D

**_Notes/References:_**

• To everything...peace.-Book of Ecclesiastes

• Reference to the Tsubasa characters and the darker version of fairytales.

• I figured out that I cannot write in the point of view of _Twilight_ characters for my life. They're just too flat to write, which is why the last bit is written like it is.


End file.
